TXT sickfics [REQUESTS CLOSED]

Overdose-Soobin

⚠️TW⚠️: Depression, Suicidal thoughts, Failed suicide attempt, Overdose using Xanax, Conflict between members, Emeto, Drug use (Molly/MDMA/Ecstacy, Xanax)

Requested by: Anon (ゝ◡╹)ノ♡

(Connected to the last story. This is Soobin's feelings on the situation.)

⋆ ₊ ﾟ ★  * ₊ ⋆⋆ ₊ ﾟ☆ * ₊ ⋆⋆ ₊ ﾟ ★ * ₊ ⋆⋆ ₊ ﾟ

☆Soobin's POV★

I still remember that day. It was cold out. I was playing a video game with Kai. Yeonjun hyung had told me he would be hanging out on the rooftop. I didn't think much of it. After all, he did go up there pretty often. He would sit down on the floor and listen to music. I thought because there was a full moon out, he would go and take pictures of it.

Little did I know, I had almost let Yeonjun hyung kill himself.

I only found out when Beomgyu came back with Yeonjun hyung. After he put Yeonjun hyung to bed, he looked at me. He had these eyes. Eyes of pure anger.

"Are you kidding me?" He said. "Soobin hyung, how could you just let Yeonjun hyung go on the rooftop by himself?"

"Wait, what did he do?" I asked.

"He tried to kill himself," Beomgyu replied.

I remember getting a deep ache. Sharp but... it was like an ache all over. Beomgyu looked at me with the same eyes. Only now, they were watery.

"Kai, can you please go to your room for a bit?" I said to Kai. He nodded and left Beomgyu and me alone in the living room.

Then Beomgyu completely lost it.

"Do you have any idea how fucking irresponsible you are?" Beomgyu asked me. "Hyung you had to do one thing. And yet you failed at that!"

"Beomgyu ah-"

"I have no idea who you could even defend yourself here," Beomgyu said. "If I didn't go look for him... someone would've had to scrape him off of the pavement! You... You clearly don't know do you?"

"Beomgyu ah, I'm so sorry... I shouldn't have let him go," I said quietly.

Beomgyu walked past me and went into his room.

That was three months ago.

And it feels like that day is still bleeding into these days. Beomgyu barely talks to me now. He doesn't leave the house much either because he's scared that Yeonjun hyung will go on the rooftop again. I rarely stay in the house.

These days, I've been drunkenly exploring the streets. Like an idiot. I'd walk with no destination. All to avoid everyone. I don't want them to see what a failure their leader is. I don't want them to see me at all. There's no harm in that. The less they know of me, the better.

They don't deserve someone as irresponsible as me. Even if I apologize over and over again, nothing will ever be the same. I'll just wake up and have to live with the fact that I couldn't protect Yeonjun hyung.

I know I'm not the only one that feels this way. But I'm the only one who should. I could've stopped it. With the power I have, I could've gotten her fired. So why did I stay silent? Why did I stay silent when I overheard Yeonjun hyung crying in his sleep?

"No, don't touch me... please... stop"

I thought that maybe he was just having a nightmare. Maybe from a scary movie he watched. I had no idea that the scary movie was his life. How could I have been so silent? How could I-

How could I?

★☆

"Soobin hyung! Are you going out again?"