Longing Hearts

journey to my past

Stuff is bout too go down right here and right now guys, gals, and nonbinary pals. Except I don't even know what yet. Let's let my imagination of my past self ruin my day, and yours!!

"Hello Spot," I say, trying too hide the shock and slight annoyance. He leaves me after kissing me, says nothing, and doesn't see me for like half a year.

"Hello doll," he said back with his usual smirk. Oh so we are doing this now, are we? Dear gods, it is so hard too frickin beat him up right here and right now. He first kisses me, then regrets it, then has the audacity too come back and flirt with me.

"What did I tell you before about calling me nicknames," I say keeping a lid on my annoyance.

"Sorry darling I'll try too remember not to," he says with a wink. Ok seriously he needs too stop, I might just fall for him. No. no, I can't do that I can't fall for anyone.

You know what. I'll play along. I'll be just like him, flirty and bold. Let's see who will fall first him or me.

I smile sweetly. "Oh, that's alright baby. I think this new one is kinda cute" I say in a soft voice.

He looks stunned by this sudden change in attitude but he seems ok with it. I mean. He is the one who started this. I am the one who will win this game.

"Oh darlin' you have no idea what you just got yourself into," he says.

"Oh, I think I do" I respond back with a smile. I may be in pain but this is making me feel a bit better.

Just then Race bursts back into my room with a bag. He ignores us both and grabs all my clothes and throws them into the bag.

"What is he doing," spot asks me.

"I'm packing for her," Race says before I could respond.

"Why?"

"I'm leaving," I say cutting off Race who was about too say something.

"What?" Spot asks softly.

"It's less of leaving and more of moving away" I explain trying too put it in nicer words even tho it's the same thing.

"Same thing!"

"No. leaving is the fact that I am running away, moving is the fact that I have accepted these changes and am just re-locating"

Spot shakes his head, I know that he buys none of it but at this point, I was also trying too convince myself.

Race shoves all my stuff in a bag. Spot gets up and leaves. But I see something on my bed where he sat. His key necklace. I slip it on and hide it from Race. no, I am not catching feelings but if he leaves something there as pretty as that necklace I'm gonna keep it.

Once all my things are packed and the sun goes down it's time too go. Race gave me some money too help with the ticket cuz I have not been selling in half a year and have nothing.

It is fully dark by now and I am sitting on the roof with my bag of stuff. I look up at the sky too watch the stars for a bit before I leave. The stars will be different wherever I go. I take one last deep breath of sweet night air.

I grab my bag and sneak down the fire escape. I take one last look at the place I called home for the past nine years. I am leaving my family and my home. I know that I need too do this but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

I take off running. I run through the streets. I doge the wagons of the people who are dumb enough too be out late at night. I hide in the shadows from gangs and the Delancey brothers. My lungs work overtime, my heart is pumping like the horses running at the race, and my legs ache from running so much after being almost dead for half of a year. My ribs are the worst part. They healed a little bit but there is still a dull everlasting pain in them.

I ignore the pain, I keep running. I push all the thoughts of doubt in my mind. I have too do this, I am not running away I am finding out about myself. I reach the train station and slap my coins on the counter.

"One ticket too Wisconsin please," I say out of breath.

"Right there missy?" he asks.

"Yeah I'm fine, just may I please have my ticket I am in a rush," I ask politely

He types some things into a little ticket-type writer dispenser thing, I really don't know what they are called. A slim piece of paper comes out the top and he rips it.

"Here you go little lady," he says handing it too me

"Thank you," I say with a small smile.

I go and sit in the station until my number is called. I look around and start remembering my past a bit. A little girl and her mother pass me and the girl stares right at me. She tugs on her mom's coat and goes over too me.

"Are you my sister?" she asks

"Now Amber, you can't ask people that. You are going too scare the poor girl" her mother says softly.

"Oh no miss, it's ok. I'm sorry little Amber but I am not your sister" I say too them

"But you look like her" she insists.

"I do?" I ask

She nods but her mother cuts in "Amber you never had a sister"

"Yes, I did mommy. I did but then I died and came too you" she says with her hands on her hips, she looks so sure of herself.

Her mother shakes her head and pulls the girl away. I wave too her with a smile. This kinda frightened me. My sister was named Amber and looked exactly like that little girl. Could it be? No, that's not possible.

My number is called and I make my way onto the train. I look once more at the city I love. I get onto the train and it starts too move.

I'm on a journey too my past.