Longing Hearts

Float Away

MAJOR TW SUICIDE AND DROWNING. I'M SO SORRY.

My feet ache from running across the rough street with no shoes, I can feel cuts forming but I keep going. I can't stop. Once I make it to Brooklyn, I slow down. I climb onto the railing and lean forward. I loosen my grip on the support beam. Just then.....

I let go.

As I hit the freezing cold water all my worries and my stress melt away and I am free. I let the darkness consume me. My body tries to stay warm and fight the chill of the evening but my mind tells it to stop.

I feel weightless. The saltwater fills my cuts, stinging them but I don't care. The joy from finally feeling safe and free is so overwhelming, I forget about the pain in my feet and knuckles. I can tell it is there but it no longer bothers me. Nothing will bother me ever again.

I gasp for breath and feel the water fill my lungs. The bliss of slipping away overtakes me.

Too my disappointment I am jerked out of my peace and brought to land. Someone lays me down on the ground. My eyes open barely as I cough out the water.

"What the hell?!" they yell at me.

I wince from the noise. Like dude, don't yell at someone who almost just died, jeez. It's too loud.

"What were you thinking!?"Again with the yelling. Please stop "You coulda gotten yo'self killed!"

That was it. "No duh, what do you think I was trying to do, idiot?!" I yell back.

By now my vision is coming back to me. I see that the guy is Spot, his normal smirk replaced with a worried frown. His icy blue eyes are clouded with hopelessness as if he wished he could have done something more. He felt helpless. I could tell.

Yeah right. He is a guy. He will never care for me. No one will ever care for me except myself. I don't need anyone's help.

He puts his hand on my shoulder "Amilia........" he searches for the right words to say. I can tell he is failing.

I push his hand off of me "Don't touch me!" I say, this time my voice full of anxiety.

There is too much going on right now. The voices in my head are roaring, the sound of the waves seem amplified, and I feel as if I am trapped in a tiny box. It's getting hard to breathe.

My eyes go blank and I space out as the fear and the horror and the pain take over. I can not move. I can not speak.

"Amilia?! Amilia!" his voice calls out to me sounding distant and blurry.

I want to respond but I am unable. This fading away is nothing like in the water, I no longer feel weightless but as if I am a rock being chained down to the ground by the chains of my past. I am no longer happily fading away but being thrown into a dark abyss from which I shall never return.

The stars dot the sky and make me feel sorrow and loneliness. If only I were one. If only I were free.

Suddenly I am consumed by darkness.