A mothers embrace

Chapter 6 - Not your fault

I held her tighter in my arms, clutching her, trying to reassure her that I was not leaving her. Or was I trying to reassure myself, that she was really there?

I knew what I had done. How much I had failed her. I was confident she would never forgive me. "I am so so so sorry Bella and I do not..."

"It's not your fault" she quickly interrupted "You had no way of knowing, it was my fault I should have been..." typical Bella never letting anyone take the blame even if they deserve it 

"Don't you finish that sentence, Bella, it was not your fault, it never was and it never will be"

"But Jasper, I hurt Jasper" Her hot salty tears were flowing down her pale cheeks, leaving their salty smell behind

"No Bella, you didn't hurt him, he feels terrible, he blames himself" Bella looked horrified as if I had just insulted her personally

"But it wasn't his fault, it could have happened to anyone and due to his gift it's harder for him." She exclaimed her brow furrowing. She doesn't blame him because she knows that it is not his fault and it could have happened to anyone, at any time and any place. So why did she blame herself when it was not her fault either and it could have happened to anyone at any time and any place?

"That is what we have been trying to tell him but he won't see it that way, just as you blame yourself for getting a paper cut" as I finished speaking she lowered her gaze to the floor, I could tell that she didn't believe me and just as I knew with Rose and as Carlisle knew with me, it would take her a long time to know that this is not and was not her fault, but first I would have to build her trust back. Knowing Bella was not going to eat more of her soup I tried a new tactic "Why don't we go watch a movie" I quickly cleared away her bowl and transfered the left over soup to a container to be eaten later before guiding her into the living room.

As soon as we crossed the threshold of the room she froze just staring at the room that still held the shadows of that heartbreaking event. She was not ready for this.

"Why don't we watch a movie in my room I find it is always nicer to relax in bed" she just nodded before following me up to my room. "How about Charlie and the chocolate factory" I said flicking through the channels, Bella smiled slightly and nodded just as the continuity announcer introduced its beginning.

About partway through the movie Bella was fast asleep and I quickly tucked her under the thick blanket smiling as she sighed contentedly snuggling deeper into the blanket. As my hand graced my pocket I was hit with a pang of realisation and guilt it had been two days since I last spoke to  Carlisle, I left him worried with the promise that I would call him soon. He must be so worried.

Quickly I pulled out my phone and called him hoping to put his mind at easy. Almost instantly he answered the phone "Esme my love is everything alright I have been so worried" it was so wonderful to hear his voice again with how much I missed him, I had stepped to the other side of the room so I was still near Bella hoping my presents would be enough to keep her nightmares at bay, unfortunately they still plaged her although I was glad that I was close enough to help fight them off.

After the call ended I sat and waited by Bella as one movie turned into two turned into three, I waited helping to sooth every nightmare. As dinner time rolled around I chose to let her continue sleeping, the dark smudges proving just how much she desperately needed sleep.

I couldn't stop thinking about how much I had failed my youngest human daughter, I had always promised myself after my first son that I would never fail any of my children and yet I had. I had hurt my body girl worse that James did I was more despicable than James whilst he was tormenting her.

I had abandoned her I didn't even say goodbye or tell her how much I loved her and how I will aways love her, how special she us to me. I had driven my daughter to the same point I had been driven to just over a century ago. I tryed to keep back the sobs for the pain I had caused my daughter. Despite Bellas kindness I knew I could never be forgiven. I could never forgive myself I had almost lost my daughter by listening to my son.

Bella's face contorted into fear as her whole body tensed, I carfully lay beside her and wrapped my arms around her  Almost instantly her muscles relaxed and she turned into me inhaling my sent, she quickly relaxed and hummed as she buried her head into my shoulder as she fell into a deeper kinder sleep.

I knew that I had to help heal her from my own stupid actions, I had to stay with her. I had to show her how loved she was, how special she was and most importantly that she was a member of our family for ever.

Bella had a special place in our harts and from the moment we left her behind nothing was the same, nobody was the same not even Rosalie, who despite her cold exterior, still loved Bella just like the rest of us.

I watched the sun set behind the clouds ready for the next chapter and vowed that we would never go backwards, never leave Bella alone. Family never leaves anyone behind. I was not going to make that mistake again.

AN:
Sorry that has taken so long thank you for being patient with me, thus year has been very stressful and I am fianly on holiday, I hope to get a more consistent schedule soon.
Niffy