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Bully Mate Contract - Detailed Feedback

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What Didn't Work:

I'm not very familiar with these terms or the omegaverse in general, so I apologize in advance if I get any terms wrong or any plot details incorrect. Please correct me if I get an omegaverse term(s) wrong, I'd like to learn for the future since I'm sure I'll review other stories in the omegaverse.

I bring that up because the first thing I'm gonna say is about dams. Sometimes it's capitalized, sometimes it isn't. I was under the impression you only need to capitalize it when referring to specific ones, but then there are cases where it isn't capitalized even when referring to a specific one, so I'm a bit confused. If you have any clarifying info on that and how the capitalization rules impact that term, feel free to let me know. It's just that, from a reader's perspective (especially from one who doesn't understand the omegaverse), capitalization is more important than most realize. It clues us in to whether or not it's a proper noun. So when you lowercase it, the reader things you're talking about dams in general. When you capitalize it, we think you're referring to one specific one. It's like New York City and cities in general. When referring to NYC, we say the City. When referring to cities in general, we say city. So if there was more consistency with the capitalization, that would help clear up confusion. Again, please let me know if there's some specific capitalization rule I am missing for this term.

Your dialogue, for the most part, is consistently formatted well. However, there were some moments where it wasn't. For example, some dialogue ended with periods even though you used a tag when you're supposed to use a comma, question mark, etc. It's nothing to worry too much about because, again, you're normally consistent with it, but I just wanted to bring it to your attention.

For example:

"Hi." he said (wrong).

"Hi," he said (correct).

When you're writing a scene where the characters share the same pronouns, be mindful of how often you use them. For example, in chapter one, this happens:

"That made him smile. 'There's the fighter.'"

Although I believe I know who you are referring to, the previous paragraph was all about Eric, which implies Eric was the one smiling in that example. It would be more clear if you used the name again because it's a bit jarring to be reading about Eric then suddenly another him is thrown at us. Most of the time, context clues can allow readers to figure it out in a second, but when you're suddenly switching between who the he's and him's are, it would help to include more usage of their names. This is especially confusing when the next line is "He liked this cat and mouse game. And he loved to see the tears in Eric's eyes."

I was under the impression this was third-person limited from Eric's POV, but the sudden disconnect to show another POV made me think "Oh, we're going omniscient?" So if you're going to be switching in and out of POVs, make sure it's very clear which POV we're in.

For the most part, you do okay with this, but there are small moments like that. This is another thing not to fret too much over; it's just something to keep in mind for the future.

I would also recommend making the settings more clear. This is more of a personal thing because I can't picture scenes in my head while reading. It's very difficult for me. I can only put together certain pieces. However, some of the settings aren't given much attention. Like the second chapter, "Dam took off his sweater and put a kettle on the stove." What stove? Whose stove? Where are they? I can assume Dam's house, but it would be nice for more clarity earlier on. I received a piece of writing advice that said establish the setting as soon as possible so the reader can start their imagining. As I read more works and books as a reader instead of a writer, I'm starting to think that writing advice was very solid since not being able to identify where we [the audience] are can put me behind. I can't get invested in the dialogue or story if I don't know where everything is taking place. The same applies to the opening scene in chapter 1 and other settings in the story.