We can only learn to love by loving

Part 28

Leah's Pov

When Beth told me about what happened that night it broke me. I wasn't a bad person, and yet somehow, I seemed to constantly be hurting Mel, unintentionally. I wanted nothing more than to be the reason Mel smiled and yet all I was doing was the complete opposite.

I never got a response to the text I had sent Mel, I couldn't blame her, not really. If it was the other way round, I would probably want a bit of space too.

As Beth drove us back to St. Alban's, the car journey was excruciatingly quiet. I was deep in my own thoughts as I stared out of the window. The only noise to fill the car was from the radio.

Just as we had pulled up at my place, I was about to leave the car when Beth, for the first time, broke the silence.

"I think I'm going to text Mel and see if she wants to meet up if that's alright? I just want to make sure she is okay." Beth hesitantly questioned, unable to anticipate my reaction to one of my closest friends wanting to meet up with my girlfriend. Is she still my girlfriend?

I nodded my head in agreement. Just as I collected my things from the boot of the car, I headed towards the driver's side where Beth began to roll down her window.

"Please tell her how sorry I am. I know I've really messed up again, but I do love her and of course I trust her. Just be there for her please, I want her to know she can speak to you in confidence."

Beth didn't need to respond; her sympathetic smile spoke a thousand words.

I was glad Beth has developed with Mel and cares for her, deep down I hoped Beth would be able to help me fix this.

"I'll call you later" Beth shouted as she drove away.

As I headed inside, the realization hit me. I was now alone, with nothing again but the intruding thoughts, mixed with raw emotions unaware as to whether I was still in a relationship with Mel or if she wanted nothing to do with me, ever again. The rest of the evening consisted of me settling back into my home, which ended with an early night as I retired to the bedroom.

Despite the physical and emotional exhaustion I was feeling, sleep didn't seem like an option. I lay awake for what felt like hours, analysing the past 48 hours over and over again. How had I gone from cloud nine to lay in bed alone, wiping the tears free falling from my face.

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A few days had passed by, and we were back at training for Arsenal, which I was thankful of as it gave me a reason to keep myself busy. I had still not heard from Mel during this time, but Beth did inform me that she needed to space, although I wanted nothing more than to speak to Mel and to hold her in my arms, I knew I needed to respect her decision at this time and to honour the space she needed.

The game mid-week meant that I had this weekend off to recover from the England game and the week of training. I had agreed to go and see my mum tomorrow and spend some time with my family. During these times it was family that I needed to be around as they knew exactly how to cheer me up.

The sleepless night continued, and I found myself currently laying in bed scrolling through social media. A pattern which I found myself falling into each night, which always ended in me ending up on Mel's social media page, endlessly scrolling through her social media posts. My eyes analysed every feature of her face in the images, always falling to her smile. Her smile, the smile which could light up any room within a single moment. What I would do to see her smile again.

I was brought out of my stalker mode by my phone ringing it was my cousin Holly.

As I looked at the time, I noticed how late it was.