The Space In Between

Chapter 14

Becky's POV

I gasped sharply and opened my eyes wide as I felt a horse kick me full force in the chest.

The back of my throat burned but I took deep heaving breaths like I was drowning and had just been pulled above the surface.

"Alright, we're back on sinus rhythm. Good job team."

My eyes adjusted to the brightness and I saw the vague figure of a doctor still holding the defibrillator paddles in both hands.

It wasn't a horse at all but the doctor later explained that that was what it might feel like to be defibrillated if you're not fully unconscious.

I never want to go through that again.

Thankfully, they let me go home after a few days. This is way better than being stuck in that antiseptic smelling hospital.

I looked at my phone and saw all the messages and missed calls from Freen. It's taking all the self-restraint I have not to reply or contact her. I know my family has been updating her about my condition.

It's been so hard and I miss her like crazy.

But I mustn't falter. This is for her own good. To make it easier for her. To not traumatize her heart to the point that she might never fall in love with anyone else again.

Closing my eyes, I tried to imagine Freen walking gracefully down the aisle but instead of me, someone else was waiting for her at the altar.

A stab of pain pierced my heart but I tried to make my peace with this scenario because this is what she deserves. She deserves all the happiness in the world after all the hurt I've unleashed on her.

When I opened my eyes, something small and moving caught my attention underneath the door.

"Oh my god, RICHIEEEE!!! There's a bug under my door! Kill it before it comes inside!!!"

I yelled as loud as my weak body would allow me.

He's left at home with me while mum picked up my prescriptions from the pharmacy and dad was at work.

"RICHIEEEEEE!!!"

But no Richie showed up. Instead, I received a message on my phone from my dear older brother.

"I've murdered Richie.

You're next.

Signed,
-The bug under your door 🪲"

He came and scooped the bug up in a small cup just as I was about to scream for him again.

"You asshole!" I said playfully.

"Ssshhhh! No foul language around the bug or it might learn from you and start cussing out all of us!"

He is such an idiot but I secretly appreciate him for trying to treat me the same as he always has.

These days, when my parents look at me, I feel like they're only seeing my illness.

They fret over every little thing about me which I am grateful for, of course but it can get suffocating sometimes.

Even if I just sneeze, they will flip their shit and say we should go to the hospital.

Good thing I have Richie to bring back some normalcy. To remind me of the life I had before the proverbial hit the fan.

On what was my second to the last chemo session, I secretly asked the doctor that I wished to sign a DNR when mum and Richie went to grab some coffee from the vending machine down the hall. I am too exhausted to fight this battle anymore.