I'm Fine

Part 25 (i like even # & 5s)

Read a angsty fic where mido was like a dick and now my perception of his character is warped lmaoooo anyway um hi 🧍‍♂️ i do live ig unfortunately uhm hm yeah umm im not back bac but i figured id atleast start on a new part in case anyone like reads this lol

Ye :) hi welcome bacc or wtv if youve been like waiting or smth

A timeskip to ummm OOO a week before the ua entrance exam :DDD

As always Izukus pov :)

Summer past a little faster than i had expected, which is fine but at the same time doesnt help the anxiety in the pit of my stomach. The entrance exam for UA is in a week exactly. Part of me feels ready since Ive proggressed so much. But the other half thinks ill never be able to pass it, thinking ill never get into ua. I know its just my inner critic and whatever people call it but it gets to me late at night when my breathes become harder and my eyes sting. I dont know I guess those thoughts of never being strong enough get to me when i let my gaurd down. Its ok though as long as I try my best itll be ok.

Thats what my mom use to tell me anyway, currently Im on my way back from training with all might. Ive noticed a very big change in my body. My muscles actually exist and Ive developed a lean build. I like it it makes me feel not as useless and makes me think I have something to offer to the world. Thats a weird way of saying how i feel but yeah.
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Fucking pause reading i just read a few chapters of this cuz i fucking forgot everything lmfao but why did i think leaving this for a few days was a hit minute??? Ive left this for literal months— thats like foreshadowing lmaooo anyway continue i jus thought it was funny
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All might did infact make me eat his hair last week. It was weird. I gagged. Something I never expected to do but he said it was how id get One for All. I expected getting a quirk would be so life changing instantaneously. But it isnt, its normal, well mostly. I feel it like surging through my body constantly and its harder to sleep so ive been practicing meditating to make it easier. Its helped a bit. Its really hard to make my brain shut the fuck up though and can be really frustrating. I zone out my thoughts and just look around passing by some of the shops. I see a cafe thats very cute and look into it slowing my walking speed a bit. They seemed to have lots of deserts. I love desserts. I need one. I deservvveee ittt.

I realize my face is a bit to close to the glass while staring at the pastreys and cookies. I back up and go inside checking my pockets making sure i have my wallet. It is obviously, i literally check myself 10 times making sure i have everything i could possibly need before leaving home. I stand back for a second staring at their food menu and decide to get 2 cake pops and a dozen cookies, they looked good and i wanted to bring some for everyone ay home. I go up to the counter. The lady asks me what i want and i tell her my order. She takes it without any problems and i gently smile while saying thank you.

It wasnt that expensive which was great, its also close to home so i will definitely be back here. As i walk out my mood is a lot brighter then before, even if before i wasnt gloomy or anything i just was neutral mood wise. Im glad I found that little cafe i really like the atmosphere.

After I got back dinner was already ready, I got home just in time to eat with everyone else. It was nice, my lifes been quite peaceful actually. I appreciate life a lot more after moms death. Its this weird morbid feeling of allowing myself to enjoy things without her, it sometimes feels wrong. Ive talked about this to kat late at night when we both cant sleep, he says theres no point in feeling bad because she'd want me to  be happy. I guess that is true its just hard to grasp.

Although Id be lying if I said I hadnt thought of dying while ahead, its scary getting those thoughts. Its not like i want to die but a part of me would rather die while happen instead of at my lowest. So im in this weird middle state where i cant tell if im enjoying life because life is good or im enjoying life to be able to die and tell myself i died happy. Its frustrating, very frustrating. Id like to actually go to school to be able to take my mind off of it because Im at a stand still. I feel frozen like im just waiting for something to happen.

"Whats wrong izuku." I hear kat from his desk ask, getting out of my head I realize im curled up on my bed hugging my pillow.
"I feel stuck in place its extremely frustrating," I answer, my grip lossens on my pillow. "I dont know what to do to stop feeling this way." I finish.

It stays quiet for the next few minutes kat continues writing. I wouldn't know what to say to that either its a hard thing to solve in two seconds.

"Just change how you see things then" he says, at first thinking of it doesnt seem that helpful. But thinking of it more the only reason i feel stuck is because of my mindset.

"Oh my god you fucking genius," i say more to myself then him. I sit up. "Wait how does one change how they percieve things though?" I question, again more to myself then kat.

"Its probably easier said then done, just start off with little things like- i dont fucking know however you think of things now just pinpoint what makes you feel so stuck and just fuckin change it," he says continuing to write whatever hes writing. I do a 'mhm' and then i hear him aggressivley erase something he was writing. He probably started writing what he was saying. I smile at that.

I oomf back down onto my bed. The rest of the night i tried to pinpoint whats making me feel so stuck.