I'm Fine

Cough kinda something

Soo like this isn't necessarily a chapter but it is?? If that makes any sense it's not a one shot it's just something with my ocs that I'm currently writing a book on but with a twist- like a what it could've been yk and it's more dark themed so tw I won't go into detail abt anything tho so dw:)))
Tw smoking :)
Akuma pov

I sat on my bathroom floor motionless. I had no energy, it feels like I haven't slept in so long. I desperately want sleep but at the same time terrified of my dreams. I stare up blandly at the blade on my counter; the metal shines slightly almost like it's luring me towards it. Like a cat with catnip. I look away and opt out to just smoke.

I slowly go out of my bathroom and to my window. Opening it to make my way to the roof. Grabbing everything I need and settling nicely on my spot I've sat at so many times. I can't really tell time sense my perspective is warped. I sigh looking up at the sky admiring the stars some shining brighter than others some seeming to flicker.

I fish out a small joint and my lighter; flicking the lighter to ignite a flame. I stare at the flame for a second admiring it before I burn the tip slowly puffing the end of it to make sure it's burning. I take a deep inhale whilst picking up my lighter and letting the smoke fill my lungs. Holding the smoke in for a few seconds then letting it slowly escape my mouth. I lean back onto the blanket I brought up here earlier around a hour ish ago. I stare into the void of the sky continuing to smoke; wondering if this is as good as it gets; wishing someone was beside me. The normal stuff really.

Feeling light I put out whatever was left of the thing that makes me feel almost ok and look at all the small apartments that surround my own. There are like 8 billion people in this world what makes us important. Why do we fight for our lives as if we mean something. What's the point of it all? To find love? Love isn't even real it's stupid and fails almost everyday.

I lay down on the blanket and hug the closest thing too me; which happened to be a stuffed bear. My thoughts blur together yet dont at the same time. I think of how different life would be if I was born in the right body. How much easier it would be. How I wouldn't of ruined my relationship with my mother. I'd continue thinking of things but that's just depressing. I much rather eat some chips. So I do, obviously I keep snacks up here, I keep them in a sketchy duffel bag, it's not like anyone would see it unless they were on the roof it's hidden in the crevice of where the part of the roof inclines to make the window. Even if people could see it what would they do? No one really cares about strangers anymore so I doubt they'd care.

Same reason why I'm up here around 2 in the morning. It's quite. The only sounds being crickets. On some nights though you can hear bass from a couple apartments down but even then there still peaceful nights. My thoughts are to quite to hear over the chips so I quietly enjoy them. After a long while I start to feel tired. Not the tired emotionally the like I'm gonna fall asleep in minutes type sleep. My favourite feeling currently.

I slowly get up and grab my blanket to make my way to my window. I throw the blanket in some far corner whilst climbing and shutting my window quietly. I crack my neck and flop into bed. I fall asleep hugging the stuffed bear my mother gave me so many years ago.

Çöûgh waking up at 510 lol

Anyway *smexy lip bite* this is literally gonna turn into chapter 1 of my book if I continue, when I do publish it I hope ppl enjoy it as much as I do :))

Also sorry this isn't a chapter like some may of hoped I'll work on one ig since most of you are nice

(((You should totally tell me if you want me to publish my book early cuz I have a good 10 chapters I've written I've the past two years and all of them are like lokggg [like all 1-3000 words ones even 4000 and something words lol it's awesome] cuz I totally will cuz I really like it)

Have a good day night I'm going to bed cuz it's like 3 am now in 10 minutes