All That's Left (The Walking Dead FanFiction)

Chapter 36

I wish Christmas still existed.

But it's nice being out here. Just the two of us. And I feel safe knowing Daryl's in front of me and the prison's behind me. In my back pocket is a magnum while I carry a crowbar in my left hand I found lying in the snow.

"That boy-Robbie-he likes you," Daryl says as he trudges ahead of me.

I'm confused why he's telling me this. How would he know? "So?"

"He seems nice. You should, uh," he pauses. Chews on a nail. "You should, you know..." he tails off.

I grab his shoulder, making him face me. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Macy." He runs a hand across his face. Says my name like I'm a child. "This whole you and me thing ain't gonna happen. Ever. And you need to move on-start a life of your own. You can't keep waitin' for me."

My heart sinks lower in my chest. My fists tremble slightly at my sides. "God, why do you keep lying to yourself? I know that you have feelings for me! I know that you feel something for me. Why do you keep pushing me away? Do you think she's going to be pissed at you for moving on? Is that what it is? Because if it-"

"You really have to bring her into everything, don't you?" he interjects. "This ain't about her! I already told you I ain't interested in you. Just move on, Macy. I ain't got time for this shit." He starts to walk away but I move in front of him.

"It's always about her and you know it! Do you ever think for a second maybe she'd want you to be happy? Why is that so crazy for you to consider?" Anger boils in my blood. After everything I've done for him, after all the times I've risked my life for him, and watched his irritating kid the least he owes me is the truth. I almost consider hitting him with the crowbar I'm holding in my hand. "After all the shit I've done for you, the least you could do is tell me the truth," I say aloud.

"Jesus, just let it go! Stop actin' like you're some teenage girl and fuckin' move on already!" he yells.

"Daryl, please. All I want-"

"Yes, Macy I do have feelings for you! I have a lot of feelings for you, all right? You happy now? If you weren't so goddamn selfless all the time and so goddamn pretty all the time it'd make it easier for me to hate you. And that's what I'm tryin' to do but you make it so damn impossible." The words rush of out his mouth so fast he hardly realizes what he's saying until he looks at me and stops.

I stand in front of him, frozen. My eyes watch his like he's some kind of ghost. As much I'd hoped, I never thought I would hear him say those words to me. I had decided in my heart, a long time ago, that he would never let me close, never let me in. I'm so overwhelmed I become speechless.

"Fuck," he mutters. "I wasn't supposed to say that."

Snow falls into his hair. I can see his breath every time he breathes. Everything feels like it's in slow motion. I feel like I'm spinning.

"She won't be mad at you for moving on," I finally say. "And I can wait until you're ready."

He shakes his head as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, his anger suddenly dissolving. "If I could ever get over the guilt I'd feel from movin' on, I'd choose you. I'd move on with you. But I can't. She was my wife and I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with her. You need to find someone else, Macy. It's the way it has to be."

Tears fall from my eyes. "This is not the way it has to be. You're making it this way when you don't have to."

He looks up at the sky, not wanting to see me cry. I wonder what else he's going to say. I know he's not going to change. I know this is how it's going to be. I wonder if he's right, if I should move on-give Robbie a chance. The thought makes my stomach sick. It's impossible to imagine wanting someone else when the man I want is standing right in front of me.