The One I Cannot Have

Chapter 11: I wish I could pretend I didn't need you

"You better?" I asked.

"Yes, now please be frank with me. I'm tired of my fucked up life. I need your help but I want your friendship too. I want your care too. You understand?" He said and only one thing rang in my head 'care' 'care' 'care' 'care' 'care'.

"Yes. I understand. Let's get out of here." I said and went to the counter to pay our bills. I was about to pay when he came and handed the cashier a big green note.

"You paid the last time. This is on me" he said and took the change from the cashier.

I did not hesitate much and we walked out of the cafe walking on the footpath of the streets. It was already sunset and the street lights were everywhere making the evening colorful. I started to feel little uncomfortable walking beside him because it had been years since I had walked beside any man who is not my 'just friend'. I was walking beside Abhimanyu, my lifelong crush and we just meet again a couple of days ago. I took some deep breaths and calmed myself down. Walking beside him was already giving me goosebumps. How could I stop, When his thoughts give me Goosebumps every time I think of him for the last 9 years?

We walked slowly on the footpath looking at the stores around us.

"How often do you come to the city?" I asked to keep things normal.

"Very less. Once or twice a year" he replied

"Oh, then this evening we can have a good walk. Only walk. As places are best explored on foot" I suggested.

"As you wish. But why would you like to walk in the city you travel to every day or even stay?"

"Park Street has always given me the feel of New York. The tall building, clean roads, and no bus. This feels like the street and city I want to walk on"

"You are talking like you have grown up in America"

"I have dreamt of it since I was a child and one tour was enough to carry the memories for the rest of my life"

"Wow. You mean you have been to America?" He looked excited.

"Only once" I replied.

"How? Selling all your parent's property?" He joked.

"Abhimanyu, I have been living on my own since I was 20. When I was 23 years old I went to America. With all my savings. I did not ask for a single rupee from my parents."

"Are you serious? Don't try to make me a fool"

"You are not a fool I know"

"How? At such a young age? By. Your own income? To such a rich country?"

"Told you I dreamt of going to America since I was a child so basically I did a lot of research from them and I knew how much I will exactly need to have a good holiday there and full fill some of my wishes."

"It's amazing"

"I am amazing" I laughed.

"So where did you exactly explore in the United States of America" I saw him getting interested in me, in my lifestyle and my desires.

"It was Los Angeles I wanted to visit. Since it was going to be once in a lifetime experience I went to New York too. And you know what? I have walked miles in the heart of the cities to just explore them on my foot deeply so that I can live in the nostalgia for the rest of my life. Those days in the USA were not just moments it was almost a life for me"

"Wow"

"After coming back to India I had to face problems too as I got so used to walking on the right side of the road I faced problems on the Indian streets," I said walking between people on the footpath.

"You are incredible," he said making a surprised face. Only if he knew before, he wouldn't have to suffer what he is Today.

"Thank you" I accepted the compliment.

For the next couple of minutes, we walked silently and slowly around us and felt the present moment.

"I feel different," he said looking around him and I looked at him.

"How Manyu?" I asked.

"I don't know. Tell me more about your US trip"

"If I start talking about it the whole night will be less. And if I start saying about it I will feel bad to pause the conversation in between. Why not we take some time and talk about it in a free day when we will have more time?"

"We have the whole night, I mean if you don't have other things to do," he said and I was surprised to guess that is he trying to stay with me all night. Of course, I have my night routine which includes a good bath, a good dinner, playing with my babies, and going to sleep with my current read. But how could I say all these in front of him and Leave him, I can afford to hamper my one-night routine for my lifelong crush.

"No, I am out of my office I have all the free time in the world now" I replied to him.

"That's very good. Where can we go next?"