The Summer Wedding | A Belly and Jeremiah fanfic

Chapter Thirty-Four

I think about what George said all night. I don't think I slept a single second. Taylor tried to get me to tell her everything, but my mind was blank and racing with thoughts at the same time. I didn't feel completely there. I certainly didn't think speaking was an option.

He loves me? I've spent the last few days panicking about hearing those words. Then, I wanted nothing more than to hear them. But now? Now I know the truth, I don't know what to think.

My head is reminding me that I've already been with George and it didn't end well. I always tried to live by the rule that he's my ex for a reason. I wouldn't want anybody else's sloppy seconds, I certainly shouldn't want my own. But George isn't sloppy. He's far from it. I always thought he was perfect. He became the living embodiment of my dream guy and he made me very happy. I couldn't wish for anything more.

Except that last part wasn't true. Because I didn't love him. I thought I didn't love him, so I left him. And I spent the past year questioning that very decision. I thought that I was finally getting over it and moving on– maybe even moving on with Jeremiah– but now George is here and saying all these things that I've been so desperate to hear for so long. It's causing feelings to stir inside me. Feelings that are both familiar and so wildly unfamiliar. I swear feelings are never reliable. They change and fluctuate and no love or pain or happiness is ever the same the second time around. The revelation is fuzzy and exciting, but it doesn't help me figure out what I'm doing.

George. Sweet, handsome George. He loves me. I already know what it's liked to be loved by him. It's perfect. Almost too perfect, if there even is such a thing. But it wasn't enough the first time. Why should anything change now? He may have never stopped loving me, but I'm not convinced I ever did love him.

I've felt love. I truly believe that I have felt love before. My parents, my brother, Susannah, Conrad, Taylor and Jeremiah. I may love each of them differently, but I know I love them. Just like I know– looking back– that I didn't love George.

I guess I can't help but wonder if maybe I didn't give him enough time. Perhaps it was a right person, wrong time kind of deal. If I even believe in those situations. If I gave myself a chance, could I love George?

But what about Jeremiah? My mind asks me out of the blue. In the midst of my thoughts and feelings about George, my mind still goes back to Jeremiah.

I can't think of anybody else, now.

Jeremiah.

Jeremiah's golden hair.

Jeremiah's captivating, green eyes.

Jeremiah's irresistibly pink lips.

His lips on mine. Our kiss. I still can't believe that actually happened. The only evidence I have of it ever being real, is that my dreams of such a thing were never that good. I can still feel the ghost of his lips over mine. My skin tingles, still, when I think about it.

His arms around me. My body slotted right into his. A kiss never felt so natural, so easy, so right. I feel embarrassed to think that it could be fated, but how could I not? Everything I ever dreamed as a child has finally come true. Who would blame me for allowing myself to dream just a little bit more? Even if I get hurt, it would be worth it. I would dream of Jeremiah forever at the risk of getting hurt over and over again. I wouldn't care. I would revel in the pain because that just proves that my love for him is real.

That is love.

I know that feeling. I've felt it all my life. For Jeremiah. Nobody else. Any other love was different. The love one feels for a mother or a brother or a best friend. It's all different and confusing, but the one thing I do know is that I never felt anything like this for George.