ՏTᗴᑭ ᗷᖇOTᕼᗴᖇ

Chapter 30

I just stare at her and I see that she really needs me to do this. She needs me to pick her and I need time to think.

"I promise." I don't.

How could I? I had just got to touch Jin again.

I mean the noises he makes, the moans, I crave them.

Even now I just want to find Jin and tell him how much I want him, I want to be with him. This is too much for mum to ask of me.

I decide I'm just going to tell her and screw the consequences.

She startles me as she places her perfectly manicured hand against my face.

"Thank you, I know one day you will fall in love with the most perfect, beautiful person and you will understand then how I feel."

That's when it hits me and my realisation comes out not much louder than a whisper.

"I already have."

*******

I just sit there, my head buried in my hands waiting for this to make sense. I've completely and utterly fallen in love with Jin and haven't stopped long enough to let myself feel it until now.

I need to find a way to fix this.

I won't hurt mum, if I destroy her, if I do anything to harm her and Hyunjin I'm no better than my father. Jin wouldn't want it either. I know him, if he had to give up every drop of happiness in his life to take care of someone he loves he'd do it without question.

He was selfless, I was selfish. I want him and I'm trying to find a way to make it happen without even talking to him about it.

I go back to the kitchen but Jin isn't there. I go up to his room and look but he's not there either. I see Jungkook's door open.

"Kook, did you see where Jin went?" I ask as I see him licking the plate that used to contain the Pop Tart Jin had given him earlier.

"He was in his room. I didn't see him come out, is he okay? He looked like he'd been crying. I was going to hug him but he got in there so fast."

Fuck. He heard me and mum. He must have come up here then did a runner. He was probably half way to Hoseok's by now.

"He'll be fine." I reassure Jungkook who is sitting on his bed looking disappointed that there's not a single crumb left on his plate.

I can't stay here. I grab my keys and tell mum I'll have dinner with Yoongi, she's pissed but she'll get over it.

I get back to the garage and see the passenger door has some scratches, I couldn't care less. I go to get in but see my seat is still flat from where Jin was lying on it.

I think for a moment about the way his back arched as my tongue touched his sensitive skin. How his body moaned and begged for more as I teased him. How it took every bit of self restraint I had not to kiss him.

If he hadn't have stopped me I would have kept going. I was desperate to taste him. To feel his thighs quiver as they are wrapped around my head.

Then I remember why he stopped me. How with a few words I had caused panic to spread throughout his body. Was I kidding myself when I said I'd never hurt him?

I pull up outside Yoongis house, I looked everywhere for Jin but I couldn't find him, I'd driven by Hoseok's house twice but there wasn't so much as a light on.

"Bro, we need to go to James', Mums on a new meditation kick so all that's in my house is herbal tea and quinoa." I laughed, Yoongi's mother had a habit of finding something new to keep her busy every few months and it usually involved her remodelling some part of their house to accommodate it.

We sat at the counter in James'. We've been coming here since we were kids and nothing has changed. Same broken leather seats, same cracked glass on the display counter, same smell of grease and sweat but it still did the best pizza this side of the Mississippi.

"Dude, 3 o'clock." I follow where Yoongi is pointing and see two girls sharing a plate of cheese and chips. They were pretty and from the way they kept looking over they were definitely interested but they did nothing for me. I just wanted him.

"Not tonight bro. I'm not here for that." I take another mouthful of overly cheesy pizza.

Yoongi looks at me with that bloody smirk he loves so much.

"You got someone on the brain?" he asks but it's more of a statement. I wanted to talk to him about Jin but I couldn't bring him up without talking to him first. It wasn't just my secret to tell. I tried to be vague.

"Yeah, kind of. It's complicated."

"So what's the problem? He got two heads or something?" he asks whilst trying to wipe away the abundance of sauce that is coating his face.

"No. He's beautiful, I mean really beautiful. It's just he has people in his life that don't want us together. I'm not sure if I'm the best thing for him either. I'm not sure if I should fight for him or not." It made it more real saying it out loud.


"I haven't slept with him." I knew this would trigger a reaction but I didn't expect to have him spit his coke. I was still wiping it off my shirt when he finally stopped laughing and talked.

"Sorry! But seriously what the fuck? Since when have you known someone for more than twenty-four hours and not done them? Is he one of those saving himself for marriage types or something?"

I sigh. "No its not like that, well I don't think so. We did stuff but he isn't like that. He's sweet, innocent even. I wouldn't let him touch me even when we slept in the same bed all night. I didn't want to make him do anything and I just wanted to be near him."

Yoongi looks at me like I'm speaking French and he can't take any of it in.

"I don't know mate. In my experience it's the sweet and innocent ones that end up being the dirtiest."

One of these days I really was going to hit this guy, Best mate or not.

"I just don't know what to do." I spoke honestly. Despite his flaws Yoongi had always been honest with me and right now I needed that.

"Okay dude, you just have to give it time. Mum says shit that's supposed to be together finds a way, or something like that anyway. If he's the boy for you then you'll find a way to make it work. If not then maybe you should take the red head and I'll take the brunette so you can have a back up."

I laugh then look back at the girls who are clearly sticking around despite finishing their chips a while ago to see if we'll approach them. I shove Yoongi and snatch the last slice before he can.

******************

By the time I get back to the house everyone is already in bed, except for mum who's on her laptop looking exhausted.

"Everything good?"

She turns around startled not having heard me come in.

"Jesus, Kim Namjoon don't sneak up on people like that! Yes I'm fine, I've just been so busy with the engagement party I'm really behind on organising the gala for the hospital Cancer unit. You'd think having done it for the last five years would have taught me how much time it needs."

I nod then quickly kiss her head before going upstairs.

I stand in the bathroom next to the door that leads to Jin's bedroom. I listen as I can hear his breathing rhythmically.

I want to just go in. I want to climb into the bed next to him and take him in my arms. I just want to feel his skin against mine.

I know I can't. Until I figure out what we should do I can't risk getting closer to him. I have to protect him from me, from my feelings for him until I know we can be together without hurting the people around us.

I get into my bed but it feels cold. I have to figure this shit out.