To Keep You

Three: Chaya

Gasping, pleading, running, screaming!

As soft as butterfly wings, the eyelashes upon my eyes caressed the tops of my boney cheeks while in a slow, fluttered motion, my eyes opened. I knew death had failed me, for I could feel the beating of my own heart against my sore and aching ribs. That realization alone was depressing enough to want me to die more, I mean, it wasn't like I was some saint that deserved to live. I've cussed more than a sailor, drank as if I was an alcoholic, and oh, I was angry. Wrath seemed to be the only thing I felt these days. Besides pain, of course, but the pain I felt was only fueling the wrath within me like a fire that was too strong to be put out. I suppose the only thing I did right was save my virginity for marriage and serve God for twenty-one years. But those days were long gone, seven-hundred-and-thirty to be exact.

Why would I still serve a God who took everything from me? He stripped me of everyone and everything that loved me and left me to die emotionally as if I meant nothing to Him! He abandoned me when I needed Him the most, even though my heart was once placed upon His hands. And yet, He treated me as if I never meant anything to Him. He left me to drown in my own pain, and so like He did to me, I turned my back on Him.

My mind was screaming at me that I was in some kind of dangerous situation, and it was showing me image after image of the things it had recorded. But truthfully, I didn't care, for I wanted to die as much as a single woman wanted to be married. It didn't matter how I died. Truly, I just wanted to be it. Like a teenager trying to get their first taste of beer, I wanted death like it was my last breath, for it was the only thing that clouded my mind these days. It was my first thought in the morning and the last thought before my head hit the pillow at night. Yet it avoided me and denied me the taste of it's everlasting freedom.

I was angry with it as well.

I sighed and weakly lifted my hands to brush the loose strands of hair away from the dampness in which was forming along the skin of my forehead. But as I did so, my eyes were drawn to the strands for they had changed. Their once lively caramel brown complexion has now taken on the form of discoloration and a filthy texture. I cringed at the mere sight of my hair for it truly didn't even appear to be human hair at the moment, no, instead it looked rather fit to be the fur of a filthy animal in the forest. It currently housed sand and leaves. It truly appeared as if a cat had been sucking on my hair.

Nevertheless, I had no strength to deal with it, so I simply flicked the hair over my shoulder and glanced around the strange room. It was small, and I suppose it would only take about fifteen steps to reach each one of the four walls. The ceiling was high and was made of steel which I found odd for a room, but I shrugged it off and allowed my eyes to dance around the room some more, taking in the concrete floor and tall wooden door that could only be opened from the outside but as if luck was on my side, it was cracked open and the early morning light shined through like a beacon of hope.

What a rare occasion.

As if I was being dragged from the bed by an unknown force, I felt deep within me the push of strength that I needed to escape this room. However, the idea was easier than the action for as I shoved the blankets made from animal fur off me and attempted to stand from the bed, my knees buckled and I fell to the dirty ground with a yelp of both surprise and pain for I was not shocked that the action happened because if I had just tuned out my racing thoughts then I would've realized that there was not an inch of my body that was not in pain. But I didn't have time to chasten my mind for distracting me as the sight of my bare thighs made my eyes widen and breathing come to an abrupt stop.

What the actual heck?!

Seeing my own pale skin bare before my eyes wasn't unfamiliar to me, but it was the fact that even though I member faint memories of two brooding men speaking to me, I did not remember at any point taking my gold dress off. As my eyes drifted slowly up my body, I froze as the sight of a large red flannel cloaked the upper half of my body from view, it did a nice job of hiding my lower body as well. But it appeared to have pooled around my waist in my fall.