Dreaming Of You - Jenna Ortega imagines

My heart won't start anymore, jo

You bit onto your lip, alone in the shared bedroom that you two had. Jenna had just stormed out, leaving you in tears. Your argument kept on playing over in your head. The two of you had been going through issues recently, it's gone on for weeks on end.

Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?
I'm getting tired even for a phoenix
Always risin' from the ashes
Mendin' all her gashes
You might just have dealt the final blow

Jenna was on the other side of the door, slumped on the floor with her knees on her chest. Her hand was covering her mouth, muffling her sobs. She hated when the two of you fought, there was going to be a point where the two of you can't take it anymore. 

Stop, you're losing me
Stop, you're losing me
Stop, you're losing me
I can't find a pulse
My heart won't start anymore for you
'Cause you're losing me

You made eye contact with the camera, Jenna could practically feel your tired and disappointed eyes. She regretted everything even more. She should've seen what was coming sooner. Emma glanced every now and then at Jenna, but Jenna couldn't take her eyes off of you. The irony of your lyrics hurt her, and it hurt you too, she could see the tears threatening to form in your eyes.

Every mornin' I glared at you with storms in my eyes
How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?
I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick
My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

You slept alone that night, tucked away on your side of the bed. Cold and alone. Your head was pounding, and it wouldn't stop hammering away at your skull. You didn't know where your heart was, it was either trying to get you to puke your guts out or making you feel like you're being dragged into hell. If only Jenna had been in the room that night, if only she had seen how pale your face was.

And the air is thick with loss and indecision
I know my pain is such an imposition
Now, you're running down the hallway
And you know what they all say
"You don't know what you got until it's gone"

Jenna hated the specificity of your lyrics. How it just had to be accurate, like this was your way of getting the last laugh. She just hoped that this wasn't planned, that you didn't know the outcome while making this song, while recording. But you did.

Stop, you're losing me
Stop, you're losing me
Stop, you're losing me
I can't find a pulse
My heart won't start anymore for you
'Cause you're losing me
'Cause you're losing me
Stop (Stop) 'cause you're losing me

The only time you took your eyes away from the camera was to shut your eyes, you used it to mask the fact that you were about to cry. Jenna had assumed that you thought that no one would see the tear that slid down your tear as you sang, but she did. This wasn't an emotionally taxing song for you, at least the chorus wanted.

My heart won't start anymore (Stop 'cause you're losing me)
My heart won't start anymore (Stop 'cause you're losing me)

Jenna came into the room the next morning, seeing how you were still asleep. It wasn't normal, it was 2 in the afternoon, by this point, you would've been up and doing something. Jenna furrowed her eyebrows, kneeling down by your head. She moved your hair out of your face, to place a hand on your cheek. She felt a pang of guiltiness when she saw the tear stains on your face. 

When she felt your cheek, it was cold. 

That made Jenna to stand up abruptly, moving you onto your back to shake you awake. "Y/n?" She exclaimed, moving your shoulders, hoping to god that you would grumble and open your eyes. But you didn't. "Y/n!" She yelled, breaking out into tears.

How long could we be a sad song
'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life?
I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy
And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier
Fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me
I'm the best thing at this party (You're losing me)

There was lingering anger from the previous argument the two of you had, you weren't entirely sure what it was for. You were just tired. It wasn't working that well between the two of you. You had found out that you had cancer, so you tried to make the most of your time with Jenna, but it wasn't working because she was working so hard. 

And I wouldn't marry me either
A pathological people pleaser
Who only wanted you to see her

"Marry?" Jenna whispered quietly, not noticing the tear that had slid down her cheek. Emma looked towards her roommate again, eyebrows knitting in even deeper concern. "I- I-" Jenna covered her mouth before quietly letting out a sob. "Fuck!" Emma immediately grabbed the girl, pulling her into her arms.

And I'm fading, thinkin'
"Do something, babe, say something" (Say something)
"Lose something, babe, risk something" (You're losing me)
"Choose something, babe, I got nothing" (I got nothing)
"To believe, unless you're choosing me"

"It's like you're not even trying anymore!" You exclaimed, you were sitting on the bed, your arms raised. Jenna let out a scoff in disbelief.

"Not trying? Hello? I'm at work! I can't be home all the fucking time!" Jenna was standing across from you, an angry look on her face. "I'm not like you, I don't just linger on my laptop all day!" 

A pang of hurt hit you straight in the heart. Jenna didn't know about your cancer, how you were on the brink of death. "Fuck  you, Jenna. I work! I just haven't been to a set in a while." You weren't going to be, you could barely handle being at home, how were you going to handle being at set and working for hours on end. "You don't even fucking know!"

"You know why?" Jenna was exhausted, she didn't want to keep arguing with you. "Because you don't tell me shit, y/n! It's like you're keeping all these secrets from me." Her arms were waving around in frustration. "What am I supposed to do when my fiance is keeping all these fucking secrets? Hm?"

You're losing me
Stop (Stop, stop), you're losing me
Stop (Stop, stop), you're losing me
I can't find a pulse, my heart won't start anymore

Jenna stood up as the song came to it's close. Emma followed behind her, confused as to where she was going. "Are you okay?" Jenna kept quiet, heading back down to the basement. Emma leaned against a wall while Jenna went towards a box. "Jenna?" Looking around, you'd see a record player and a VHS player, boxes littered all around the room filled with many different things. Your old things. Emma hadn't been down here, all she knew was that Jenna would be slightly upset every time she came back up. 

Jenna brought a box over to Emma, sitting next to her on a step. On the box, it was labeled as 'L/n recordings'. "It's broken." Jenna whimpered, picking up a tape. "They're all broken." She showed a warped recording of yours.

"Can't you buy a new one?" Emma asked, quietly, as if being louder would break Jenna. And it did. 

"They're hers. Whatever was gifted to her after her interviews, first copies of music. Fuck-" She covered her hand to muffle a cry. "Everything in here is hers, the only copies of her. It's all broken now."

happy pride month :)