Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I groaned as I opened my eyes to my sun lit room. I sat up and stretched before hearing small footsteps toward my door.
"Mommy!" MJ jumped onto my bed and landed on my stomach.
"Goodmorning, my love." I spoke softly, struggling to move his legs over to get up. He smiled and ran out the room going downstairs.
I followed him to the kitchen where we were both going to share a bowl of cereal.
"Makhiiiii." Teresa sang coming out from her bedroom. He started to giggle and hid behind my leg.
"I found you!" Teresa tagged him and he ran. I smiled while pouring the last bit of Frosted Flakes into the glass bowl.
She picked him up and sat him on the counter as she talked to me. "What are y'all doing today?" She asked.
"Hmm, I plan on going to the graveyard." I stated, picking up a spoonful of cereal.
"Would you like me to keep Mj?" She asked with pleading eyes. She'd find any excuse in the world to keep him.
"Of course, ma." I laughed.
"Cereal." Khi pointed and I fed him some cereal. "Mmmm." He hummed with a milky smile.
"Mommy is full, you can have the rest." I scooted the bowl closer to him. Teresa helped him as I went upstairs to get ready.
I walked into the bathroom turning on the shower and grabbing a towel and a rag out of the hall closet. I set it down on the toilet before going to my room to pick out my clothes.
I pulled out my black jumpsuit and black sandals laying them on the bed. I also laid out my black panties before going into the bathroom to get undressed.
I connected my phone to the bluetooth and pressed 'Shuffle' on my playlist.
On My Way - Jhene Aiko
I can't wait 'til you come over I'm not sober, so, you know How it's 'bout to go 'Cause I like to fuck when I'm drunk I like to suck when I'm drunk Come on, my baby, what's up? I need you to hurry up I can't wait, I can't wait Pussy fairy's on the way
The nostalgia instantly hit me, how coincidental that THIS song plays.
I closed my eyes as I let the hot water run down on me. Wishing that the pain wouldn't last forever. Hoping that I could look into my son's eyes without seeing the memories of his late father. Mj was undoubtedly his son. It hurt me every time I looked at him, so much to the point I almost hated looking at him. I hated the sadness that overcame me when I looked at my son. My creation. I felt sick as a mother that I couldn't even bear to stand my own seed. I also felt guilty that Makhi was so excited to meet his son, and here I am raising him alone.
I began to wash myself off, almost in a sense that I was washing away my sorrow. The water flowing down the drain as if I was cleansing my soul.
I cut off the water and stepped out, eyeing myself in the mirror. A girl I didn't recognize.
I began to dry myself off, and wrapped the towel around my body, walking across the hall to my bedroom. I could hear Mj downstairs playing with his grandma. Oh, to be a carefree kid again.
I applied lotion over my body before slipping into my clothes. I heard my phone ding which was on the charger, so I walked over to it tapping the screen.
I had a few missed messages.
Liyahhh🤞🏽 Hey sis, just checkin u...
Brotherrrr❤️🔥 Wyd today
Mommy👩🏽🍼🩵 Call me back
I set my phone back down before going over to my mirror and looking at myself. I then put on my jewelry and went back into the bathroom to swoop my edges with edge control.
I combed through my hair then went back to grab my phone, taking it with me to the bathroom.
I posed in the mirror before taking pictures. When I finished, I went to my room and sat on the edge of the bed, finding the right one to post.
I was obsessed with uploading pictures on Instagram that portrayed I was ok. I didn't want anyone to know that I was struggling nor grieving despite I clearly was.
I posted the picture on my instagram story.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I cut my phone off, then grabbed my keys off my dresser before heading downstairs.
Khi was in the living room watching cartoons.
"I'll be back." I said kissing his forehead. "Thank you." I mouthed to Teresa who nodded her head.
I walked out the front door and got into the drivers side of my car. I opened the arm rest and grabbed some weed and a wood. I sat there rolling up while listening to the radio.
Sometimes the radio was better than bluetooth. The music just sounded better or something, i don't know.
I finished the wood, using my teeth to fold it over. I grazed my lighter over it to dry it off before holding it up to my lips and sparking it.
I switched gears and reversed the car before pulling off heading out of the neighborhood.
-
I arrived at the cemetery and parked in front of his grave. I hit the wood one more time before putting the roach in the McDonalds cup that sat in the cup holder full of ashes. I needed to buy an actual ashtray.
I got out of the car closing the door behind me. I walked over to the grave and crouched down. Again, the tears formed in my eyes as I rubbed the engraved letters, this time that read, 'In loving memory of Makhi Alston Eatmon.'
In that moment, I realized that how it starts is how it ends. My life felt like an endless cycle. Someone I love always ends up leaving.
It had been almost 2 years since Makhi had passed. I visited his grave very often. Some would say too much. But, I have a hard time letting go. I cant accept the fact that he is really gone.
I stayed there for a little while longer before I turned around hearing a car pull up behind mine. Dee's black challenger.
