nemesism // spencer reid angst

scum

Spencer was unprepared, to say the least. He had to break the news to Penelope. He felt like a bundle of live wires just waiting to be set off.

"Hey baby, it's time to head to work. Coming?" Derek called from the other room. Spencer was standing in front of the bathroom mirror staring at his reflection. For some reason, nothing felt quite real. He hated these days, the days where everything around him blurred and made it nearly impossible to recognize himself. Maybe it was a remnant of their last case, maybe it was the conversation he had with Derek the night before. Spencer could never really tell what triggered the feeling, really.

"Yeah, I'm coming." Spencer replied as confidently as he could. Nothing was wrong, he was fine, everything was okay. He could do this. It's just Penelope, right?

"Woah, woah, are you okay pretty boy?" Derek stopped him as soon as he entered the living room. "You look pale. Like, really pale."

"I'm alright, just..." Spencer hesitated. Should he mention the mild dissociation he was experiencing? "Penelope." He settled on a less concerning - but still true - answer.

"Spencer, it's fine. She'll be fine. The whole thing was a joke, anyway. There was never anything going on there, and she knows that. Purely platonic." Derek smiled and took Spencer's hand. "Now let's get going before we end up late, yeah?"

Spencer simply nodded and gave him a small smile. He was having a really hard time focusing on Derek. His eyes kept blurring out, refusing to stay focused despite his best efforts. Feeling disconnected like this was the last thing he needed. Spencer used his free hand to toss his messenger bag over his shoulder and unlocked the door, pulling Derek out into the hallway behind him. Before the man could go any further, Spencer put a firm hand on his chest. Raising himself up, Spencer kissed Derek. It was short and sweet, a lingering affection.

"I love you." Spencer exhaled softly when they broke apart. The two had been reminding the other repeatedly since the night before, as if once was never enough. All of the nights where the words were held back had come tumbling out, floodgates open. The best part of it all; Spencer felt it in his soul every time he said it. It wasn't some offhand comment or something to say whenever, it was a declaration. The words have meaning to Spencer. He only uses them when he truly feels it. And now that he truly felt them to his core, Spencer couldn't stop them from spilling out.

"I love you too, my pretty boy." Derek smiled and pressed a gentle, soft kiss to the tip of Spencer's nose, making him laugh. Spencer loved the smaller show of affection, the quick pecks and the brushing away of hair, the subtle touches and the hand-holding whenever possible.

As he laughed, Spencer realized what he was doing. He was thinking, really thinking. His connection with reality had returned upon the physical and emotional connection he experienced. While he knew it wouldn't last forever, Spencer loved how easy it was for Derek to ground him, even when completely unaware of the fact.

"Let's go." Spencer squeezed Derek's hand and tugged him along. "We have some planning to do before we get there. I'm not about to go into this without a script. Pen would absolutely throw me off if I didn't prepare." He smiled when Derek laughed and let his own humored chuckle out. These were the mornings, the kind of mornings that reminded him that life was worth living. There was no way of knowing what the rest of the day would bring, but Spencer was sure of one thing; he was beyond happy with his current life and was sure that there would always be even better things coming. All of the fighting through bad times was for this. For Derek, for sunshine and crisp air, for wind ruffling leaves, for laughter echoing through empty hallways, for stolen glances. It was worth it.