All That Soars (*On Hold*)

7 A Cousin Confidant

If he were here, I would have pinned him down with my magic and shouted at him until I made myself hoarse. I would have slapped him as hard as I could and then kissed the sting away. I would have taken him by the shoulders and shook him so violently he couldn't tell up from down and then I would pound his chest with my fists as I sobbed against him with relief. Unbearable relief.

But he wasn't here.

So I settled for pushing all of the rage I held within me at him. All of my fury with my mother, my anger toward Lord Koa, my sorrow for my father, and the lividity I had felt when she had tried to dress me like her prized possession, when she had attempted to make me into her princess. I would never be her princess.

He reached back out with a caress but I snapped my magic away, severing the connection. For now.

He would find a way back to me, I knew he would. And I already knew that I would forgive him when he did. But for now I just wanted to be angry. I wanted to sit in silence and stew about the fact that he could have reached out to me at any time, could have let me know he was alive, at least. Because the not knowing had been killing me. Not knowing if he was alive or dead. Not knowing if he had been captured again, imprisoned somewhere I didn't even know of, somewhere I couldn't possibly get to. And knowing that I was here, playing princess and antagonizing my mother while he was out there somewhere. It was a fate worse than death.

I felt her the, poking and prodding her way into my mind. My hastily constructed walls were up in seconds but she hadn't been trying to read my thoughts. She was trying to deliver one.

I don't know what you think you're doing, she hissed into my mind and the accompanying sensation, like a high-pitched ringing in my ears, had me wincing and closing my eyes. But you've embarrassed us all in front of this court, our court. And if you think we won't be discussing this once the guests have gone, you're entirely wrong, girl.

I felt her absence like a gulp of fresh air in my lungs. She left me reeling so badly that I had to reach out and stabilize myself with a hand on the back of an ornate armchair which had been brought in for seating for the guests.

"Take a deep breath," someone was speaking quietly beside me and I felt my father's hand on the small of my back a moment later. "Let's get you some air. Come."

I went without argument, clinging to him as we made our way to the nearest door and stepped outside. It was a veranda, of course, a long outdoor hallway with benches and torches set into the walls at odd intervals. He led me to one of the former and motioned for me to sit down. But I didn't. Because this was the first time that I had actually gotten a real view of the Court of Peace and Pride outside of the palace.

The balcony of the throne room overlooked a wide valley between two lush, low mountain ranges. Rolling hills and plains as far as the eye could see with green grasses interspersed with fertile farmland. A quaint little town was set into the mountainside only a mile or so away, lights on in every home, surrounded by an orchard of apple trees swaying gently in the evening breeze. Birds flew above our heads, soaring through the pink sky, toward the sun as it sank low on the horizon.

"Quite an outfit choice," my father said after a moment, having given me adequate time to take in the beautiful view of my mother's court, what could have been my court.

"I couldn't wear her colors," I told him. "I couldn't wear her crown."

"I know."

He took a sip of some amber liquid I didn't recognize and we both stared out at the sunset until the pinks and oranges turned to purples and then to a bluish black, until the moon rose high above us and the stars twinkled beside it.