A Different Slice

15.1 - End-game (Naomi)

Greg's forehead wrinkles deepened. "And your estimate of once or twice a month was a lowball or best-case."

"Once every one or two months is the best case."

Why did he treat this like a business proposition? Like her boundaries were up for negotiation. Still, she would stick to them.

"And you're sure?" Helplessness gleamed in his eyes as if that would change her body's natural reactions.

Naomi ran her palms over her blue jeans. "You act weird when I mention Luke, but he and I were very open and tried for over a year. I'm well aware of what promises I can and can't make."

"You don't think it would be different because it's us?" A plea echoed in the final word. "I'm not a random guy you dated. We've known each other for almost half our lives, and I care about you more than anyone. Always have and always will." As he looked into her eyes, her stomach squirmed. That dangerous, naïve hope would sink them.

"I do too, but that's not how asexuality works for me. Even after the best date when I'm on top of the world and completely into you, we might try to hook up, and the connection might vanish at that moment with no logical explanation. It's not linked to my feelings, just how I'm wired."

"Nomi, I want to say this won't bother me with every fibre of my being. I've dreamt of us taking this step together for years." He sighed and gazed at the blank TV.

Naomi knew him well enough to sense what he wasn't saying. "But it's not the relationship you want."

"I want all the other stuff too, the flirting, date nights, cuddling, kissing, not having to hide that I'm so into you it physically hurts to see you with other guys."

"But regular sex is part of your ideal relationship."

He shifted his weight on the couch. "It's a lot to give up."

Naomi sunk deeper into the cushions, wishing they would swallow her like one of Kieran's hugs. Knowing he'd run to comfort her after this was keeping her composed. "I know," she muttered. She'd offered Greg everything she could, and it was insignificant to him.

He turned toward her and took her hand. "And you don't think it'll be different because it's me? What if you're demisexual? That happens to people who are asexual. They find the right person."

Naomi sighed. She'd had that hope before when she'd wanted to conform to the allosexual world, but if she was demisexual, she would be sexually attracted to Greg, and that had never happened despite her romantic attraction. "We've had a close emotional bond for ten years. I am very drawn to you in all the ways that my body experiences attraction. If you're only dating me to see if I'll become someone I'm not, that's unfair to both of us. I don't want that."

Greg grimaced. "You don't want me, you mean. I'm an asshole for hoping to sleep with you."

She caressed the back of her hand with her thumb. "You're not an asshole. You're allosexual. I'd be a hypocrite to fault you for experiencing sexual attraction when I want to be accepted for not feeling it."

"You've never been sexually attracted to anyone? Not your exes?" When she shook her head, he continued, "A celebrity crush, that guy you were obsessed with senior year?"

"I made him up because I thought you'd tease me if you found out it was you."

His gaze softened, and he squeezed her hand. "And not the electrician?"

"Kieran?"

Shit, Naomi was sure Greg had sensed her tense through her grip. Why was she nervous? She and Kieran had connected in the kitchen where she'd drunkenly violated his personal space and there'd been a literal spark of static electricity and again when he leaned down to whisper in her ear this week, but those weren't sexual attractions. They simply made her heart race like Greg had done plenty of times in pleasant ways.