in my prayers, i call you my eternal companion
in my dreams, i call you my future lover
in my head, i call you my soon to be partner
though, i haven't met you yet
i already decided to call us from our second names
the names that everyone forgotten
the name that not everyone knows
the name that was connected to our most used name
the name that only us could understand
the name that we'll always remember when one of us walk away
only the two of us
it would be reserved for us.
am i too romantic?
is it too much?
if you'll say yes, then i would willingly lessen my romanticism
cause you know, I would not be like this until you came.
well, this romanticism was only for you and me, and my secret diary.
this digital application doesn't give me the assurance of keeping my secrets hidden
who knows? maybe I'll end up in the trend list the next morning.
but even though i am not confident
i still feel secure and safe writing my thoughts in here
writing anything i like
without any hesitation
why? cause i've been writing since forever in here and no one reads my works.
I'm not saying that because I'm mad or complaining or something,
it's just that, being this "not yet" found writer gives me the wall of windows.
hidden but not well concealed.
writing in here also gives me the freedom to talk about you.
i don't know you yet so i don't have any idea of what you're like.
are you handsome like the men i imagine in books?
are you rich with car who would fetch me when i need a ride?
are you my age?
are you a little bit older?
a little bit younger?
do you also dream of being some kind of a poetic writer?
do you find it interesting to read?
cause you know, i like guys who read and write like me.
do you have any talent?
do you like music?
do you joke with your friends and become silent afterwards?
do your energy also drains after a long social gathering?
but do your battery come back to life when your favorite artists was played on the stereo?
do you like to clean while the music is blasting in the background?
do you also fear about the thought of us?
do you have any questions about me too?
do you ever wonder what i also look like?
do you ever dream about me at night?
do you also pray about my safety and mental health?
cause I do.
and if you do,
then i love you.
i know, my reasons may be superficial and hollow
but, i haven't met anyone yet
i always hope about love
about meeting someone in a perfect place and a perfect time.
that's how hopeless i was.
i am this basic girl who always lives in her dreams.
this girl who thinks that if a boy look in her eyes, she would assume that he's already the one.
i am that girl who haven't been with anyone.
look, i want to.
i want to experience the butterflies
the warm hug and missing someone
the comfortability and living in cloud nine.
i want all of that.
but my imperfections tells me that i am not suited for love.
i wish to meet you everyday.
but my subconscious tells me that if you ever found out about my truths, dark secrets, flaws, and calamities
i think that you would run away and never stay.
if telling you the truth would be the only thing that could make you stay
then i would tell you everything from the start.
i would break for you
cry in front of you while i tell you about my traumas and nightmares
my addictions and wrong decisions
my bad sides and drewbacks.
I'll tell you everything
even if they will make me look like a monster in a catastrophic body
i would.
i can be vulnerable in front of you,
just never walk away
don't leave me
and never say goodbye
but if I can't make you still love me after knowing how damaged i was
then, that's okay
I'll still seek and look for someone who would.
I'm a basic girl, remember?
who would fall in-love immediately with just a gift of effort
and a single similarity in character.
that's how basic i am
because i haven't experience any box of affections before.
gosh, i haven't met you yet but you already made me cry.
