here i go again,
tapping rubbish thoughts from my head,
feeling empty with these words.
some days, i get happy,
experiencing unfamiliar things for the first time,
it truly makes me happy.
but then, i go back to where i usually am.
now that it happened again, i don't feel anything anymore.
i just feel empty.
there's this still one little feeling of longing for who i was before.
an innocent child who doesn't know anything about the sins of the world.
and then the next thing I'm feeling is hatred of myself.
for not being enough.
for not doing anything today.
for just sleeping the whole day.
and then the next second, I want to die.
like I want to vanish.
and then, i want to finish my dreams and become a billionaire so i need to live in order to earn money
and then next is I'm back with my killer thoughts.
how complex I've become.
i feel like mad is the word.
I've become mad.
just writing my thoughts in order to be sane.
in order to help myself from suffocating because i cannot open up with anyone.
i have a family.
but I dont feel like i have one.
they are good to me.
but i am the problem here.
everyday pushing away myself,
puting distance between us,
making myself a box of regret,
staying in my comfort zone.
never had the act of change.
where is the sweet innocent girl they all know?
the old innocent girl i love?
where is she?
i thought, the child me was the worst.
not until I realized that she's the best.
