I'm here again,
writing about my thoughts about this bad day.
i got some news.
people i know and don't know died at such a young age,
I'm afraid, i might be the next.
not because there's a serial killer on the loose.
but maybe, I'm the killer who will kill my own self.
most times, i throw dark jokes,
I'd say, i want to die,
I'd say, I'll kill myself,
but don't you know,
i pray everyday,
that the next day, I'll survive.
that i can still live.
and reach my dreams.
because the truth is, i want to live.
badly.
i asked my father in heaven one night,
cried like a baby while everyone was asleep,
i prayed while in the middle of my chaotic mind,
i hope in the midst of the quiet morning like someone haven't died.
"Father, will you forgive those who take away their own lives?"
"Will you give them a second chance to live?"
"Can you save those who can't save their own life?"
"Will they be happy again?"
They've given up their own lives,
and i was thinking about it too,
but, i made a promise.
that whatever happens,
I'm gonna reach my dreams.
but what about those people who gave up because life won't let them live?
can you blame them?
cause if you'll ask me,
i can't, and i won't.
because like them,
I'm trying everyday.
every single day.
i die everyday.
life is the most precious gift from yours,
but can we have the permission to give it back?
can you still forgive us if we returned the gift you gave us?
because inside the box,
is a maze we couldn't find the way out.
you've saved us already a million times.
you've performed miracles that words can't describe.
you've showed mercy for the rest of us.
you gave us life,
while here we are, not grateful enough.
but please, forgive us.
if we took away our own life, please still accept us.
please, let us enter into your kingdom.
i know you know that those people also had dreams,
but life won't let them reach it.
i don't know,
is my perspective wrong?
is it them who won't reach their own dreams?
and not the life they lived in?
maybe both.
but what i truly know is that they are grateful,
for the life you gave them.
that, even if the world is full of misery,
they still had a glimpse of the beautiful things from it.
i am not sure about the future.
but i will always do my best to live.
i will live for them.
i will live because of them.
i live with them.
i won't take my own life.
i promise.
