Book Guide ✓

Chapter 12

The party is in full swing. Between couples and small groups dancing their soul out, and someone stopping by to have some punch, there's no room for me to find a place to myself and elaborate the whirlwind of emotions I'm facing.

If only Ashleigh were here... She'd comfort me, make me feel safe, give me some precious advice to tackle my troubles and get rid of them. Yet, she isn't here, and I don't see why she should come here, uninvited, at a party full of teenagers. I don't know how old she is, but I suspect she won't tell me for a number of reasons.

I avoid eye contact with Jenna and Marietta, not wanting to give in to sadness. They have finally fulfilled their love goals and deserve to enjoy their precious time with their loved ones. In need of a confidant, I look for Bree, hoping she has good advice for me.

However, to my surprise, she's also dancing with a guy. I decide wisely not to disturb her and go to find a corner where to watch the other partygoes from afar, as usual. At least, I can console myself with the fact that the library isn't shutting down and, starting from tomorrow, I can dig down deep into books again.

By the time the party is over, Jenna and Marietta walk past me, with Cato and Harry next to them. Bree and the mysterious guy follow suit. I congratulate with them all for no particular reason; it just comes natural. Jenna blushes. This situation looks so awkward. Where are books when I need them?

***

It's nice to step into the store again. The despair over it possibly shutting down leaves room for hope. I can't wait to see new customers attracted by the stories awaiting for them inside. I know I'll get lost in passionate, out-of-world prose and sultry poetry myself, too.

The first thing that catches my eye, however, is the presence I've longed for a while. Her. She roams among shelves, carefully checking the spine of every book she examines.

I watch her from afar and don't dare make a step toward her. She's still immersed in the shelves. I try to catch a glimpse of her, only to fail. So, I just stand here idly, waiting for a sign. Until I let out a sneeze, gaining her attention. She puts the book she's leafing through in her cartwheel and waves a hand at me.

Busted. Now I have no other choice than confess that I've been watching her for half a hour. A little too much, isn't it?

Fortunately, she doesn't seem bothered by it. "Cathy. What a pleasure. Tell me, are you happy that the bookstore is still among us?" She beams, which makes my heart sink out of embarrassment. I can't find words to describe my feelings. It's like butterflies are dancing in my mind and at the same time a bomb is bursting inside.

"H-h-hi, Ashleigh... Nice to see you too. H-how are y-you?" My stutter is blatantly evident to the point that other customers turn to me. Someone gives me a disapproving glare; others shake their heads. No-one likes a shop assistant who sulks.

"You look uncomfortable, Cathy. How about we see outside? Maybe when your shift is over. Do you agree?" I nod, before returning to the counter. I die inside. Whenever I feel confident enough to talk to her without making a fool out of myself, I make a bad impression.

As soon as I'm at the cash register, Holly sighs. "Oh, Cathy, you look miserable... You need a breather. Let me talk to-"

I cut her off. "Please, no. I don't want to leave now. I want to finish my shift. I know you understand the situation, but I think I should handle it on my own without involving you or the rest anymore." I'm surprised at my own determination. Maybe, this time, things will go the way I hope.

For now, I force a smile and push myself through the remaining two hours that separate me from Ashleigh. It's time to make things clear between the two of us. It's now or never.

***

The shift is over—and so is the wait. I long for this important meeting (if I can call it such) with Ashleigh, but at the same time I'm not sure it's a good idea. Anything can happen. One of us, or even both, might get hurt. I don't know if my heart can handle more pain.

To my surprise, she's outside the bookstore. I wonder how long she has been standing. I don't know how much of my emotional turmoil she can bear anymore. She's been very patient with me—perhaps a little too much.

I zone out, which she notices. It takes her just three words to snap me out of my thoughts. "How are you?" It's like the bubble that has surrounded me since I met her for the first time is about to burst.

I answer, "I have to be honest with you, Ashleigh. I don't want to feed you with sweet lies, but I don't want to hurt you with the bitter truth either... You know. You helped me in any way possible. It's that..."

She doesn't interrupt me. Instead, she just gulps. A sense of uneasiness fills my eyes. This leaves her speechless, which shocks me. She usually has a comforting word or some useful advice for me. Why is it different this time?

I continue. "I think there's more between us, but it's not possible just yet." She doesn't grasp the meaning of my words. I shake my head as she gives me a puzzled look. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned directly the reason of my internal struggles. What if she's facing something worse?

"I get it, Cathy. It takes time, doesn't it?" Her smile confuses me. The way her emotions take turns won't cease to amaze me. I'm under the impression that there's something I'm unaware of; I can't know unless she directly tells me what, though.

"You didn't understand what I mean, did you?"

"Oh, no, Cathy, that's the opposite, actually. You're about to graduate high school, aren't you?" I nod. I used to look forward to finishing school as soon as possible, but my perspective on it has since changed.

Now that I realize that, I'll miss hanging out with Jenna. Gosh, I'll even miss interactions with Marietta and Bree. Time flies fast. Everything has changed over the past few months, including myself.

Ashleigh's next question startles me. "Do you realize you're taking another step towards maturity?" She's right. It's time I start thinking of myself as an adult, not just legally, but also in other aspects such as mindset.

She has one more piece of advice to share with me. "Follow your heart. You'll never take the wrong path if you do. Trust me." She pulls me close for a hug. Then, she whispers something in my ear. "And, yes, I already knew. You're deeply into me."

"What about you?"

Here comes what I expected the least from her: a kiss on my cheek. I blush. She runs a hand through my hair. "You can see it from yourself, Cathy. What matters is that you're happy. Are you?"

"Y-yes... I... I am..." She holds my hand. I lower my gaze, not having the courage to look into her eyes again. She has just captured my heart, like in a book.

It's not a dream, it's not a scene of a movie. It's all real.