Last Seen Dead | ONC 2023

13 | feel your feelings

Before Kailani left his apartment the night before, she made sure Ethan had her phone number and she was very clear to him about contacting her if he ever needed anything. Or if he just wanted to hang out and eat together at Just Wing It. His treat, next time, since she paid.

Ethan just nodded, too exhausted by everything that happened that night to really say anything. Even though Kailani was just one person, his introvert battery needed recharging.

It had only been a few days since he started on this whole journey and it had already upended his routine in more ways than one. He was really starting to feel his sleep being affected, especially when he woke up the next morning and the thought of working filled him with existential dread.

So, Ethan decided to call in sick, cashing in on the sick hours he saved up over the years. He didn't remember the last time he needed to use them, if ever, but today seemed like the day.

If he forced himself to work when he was already feeling this worn-out, well, he didn't want to think about where his thoughts could lead him. He was still technically depressed, even if he outwardly didn't look like it. Mental illness was chronic and even if he recovered, he could relapse.

As he sat at his dining table, eating breakfast, his mind wandered back to his conversation with Kailani. Was it really true that Florence obsessed over every little thing he ever said about her? He only ever wanted to help her, by pointing out the things that she should be working on for herself.

What happened to the girl he knew that was so sure of who she was? Who hurt her? And why would she try and hide her depression from Kailani? Was it because it was getting worse again?

She had changed a lot from the girl she used to be when they had first met, and instead of allowing for her to change throughout all those years, Ethan realized he tried to treat her the same. Maybe the way he talked to her helped her once upon a time but that night, maybe it didn't help.

Filled with more questions than answers, Ethan turned to the Legacy website, hoping to find another angle to this that he had been missing all along. Something that would make the pieces fit together. Something to explain why it was possible for her to have died so suddenly like this.

After a short chat with the AI, he was sent some screenshots of a blog on Adomania. There were some posts under sunkissedtears, and it looked like it was made to be a throwaway account for venting. It took Ethan a while to realize that these posts were something that Florence wrote.

There were dozens of posts by that account but he started off by reading the oldest one he could find. It was from around the time he met her, back when they were still just university students.

"I don't feel like I have anyone in person to talk about these things with, so I thought what better place than the internet where no one truly knows who you are? My name is Eleanor and I'm suicidal."

Ethan's eyes started glossing over the post as soon as he saw the s-word and he was filled with a deep sense of dread. He didn't like the direction this was going and it felt all too familiar to him. The memory day that he met Florence was rising to the surface but he forced it back into his mind.

He wasn't ready to remember that day. Not yet. Not today when he already felt vulnerable.

He forced himself to take a deep breath, as he started to skim through her other posts until he landed on her most recent one, which was dated a few nights after the night he slept with her.

"It's Eleanor again, which means it's time for yet another depressing post about why my life sucks. For those who haven't read my previous posts, all you need to know is that I'm dead inside and very tired.