Uncontrollable Feeling

Chapter 10

"But, Aunt Jenna, I'll be careful I promise. All I need is just five minutes with her, I'll cover myself up he won't even know it's –"

"Kristal, if you love me, you will turn around and head back to your room," She said, her voice soft and gentle but filled with finality.

"But–"

"If you love me, you will turn around and head back to your room," She repeated,her tone serious and the remnants of a smile long gone from her expression.

I opened my mouth to speak once again but the look on her face clogged up my throat as a new wave of tears rolled their way down my cheeks.

And with that I turned on my heels and headed back to my room and I cried.

I curled up into a ball on my bed with my mother's framed picture clutched to me. I begged her for forgiveness, I so desperately needed her to know that I wasn't abandoning her.

I begged and begged and begged until my voice gave out. I couldn't tell you if I stayed that way for an hour or five.

It was only when I felt as though I had no tears left to cry that I got up and decided to take a warm bath to freshen up.

The warm water was just what my body needed. My muscles relaxed under the water and I felt relief even if it was temporary.

My head slid under the water for what was supposed to be just a second or two, but the complete and utter silence underwater had consumed me. The feeling I'd been longing for.

And in that moment all I wanted to do was stay down, forever. All my worries would simply disappear; I would be with my mother again, my father would have no one to hunt down, and aunt Jenna would have no one to burden her. Everything would be perfect again.

All I had to do was stay down here.

Seconds passed and I could practically picture it all. Everything would be perfect again.

More seconds passed and the strain on my lungs was becoming unbearable.

Everything

Would

Be

Perfect

Again.

A loud ding from my phone pulled me out of the tunnel I seemed to have fallen into. What the fuck are you doing? I asked myself as a more realistic image appeared in my mind; Aunt Jenna's face if she found me in this tub.

I pulled myself back up at the thought, gasping for air as a wave of shame and guilt washed over me for viewing that as a possibility. I forced myself to swallow back the tears that were threatening to fall as I climbed off the tub and slid on my bathrobe.

I stood in front of my counter drying my hair off with a towel. I finally took in my appearance in the mirror in front of me, my skin pale and sickly, my eyes puffy and bloodshot, and a pair of eye bags to accompany it all. Talk about a model look.

After using the towel to dry off my hair a little, I brushed it through a few times before letting the rest air dry. I picked my phone up off the counter and an instant warmness filled my insides at the name on my screen.

Aiden: You home?

My feet got a life of their as they propelled  me towards my window and I pulled my curtains apart and there he stood in front of his window staring right at mine. I took a seat on my reading nook.

I had suspected that he hadn't come home last night and now the work clothes that he wore from the day before proved me right; a light blue button up that now looked disheveled with a few buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up, and black dress pants.