Anna (Go To Him)

Chapter 21

The rest of January crawled by, with John and I still lacking a regular place to be alone, no word from Bill Harry on a possible writing collaboration for Hessy's music store, and gigs for the Quarry Men few and far between. Tragedy struck in early February, when I woke up to the news that my hero, Buddy Holly, had been killed in a plane crash the day prior in Iowa. I met John at the bus stop that morning, both of us at a loss for words.

"Ye heard the news, I s'ppose?" He said, quietly.

"Yeah."

"I can't fuckin' believe it." He swore, taking a deep drag on his ciggie, blowing the smoke toward the sky, studying it as if he might discern some meaning out of it. "What a goddamn shame."

I felt like crying. Buddy had been young, vibrant, and talented, with a whole career ahead of him. It felt so unfair. I was crushed to know that I'd never again get to enjoy another new release, never again get to see him in concert. I moved to John and put my arms around him protectively. "John, promise me you'll never fly for a gig. Please?"

"Fuck, no! Those things obviously aren't safe."

But by the following week, John had shifted his focus to more important priorities and had found a place that we could go to be alone together, though it required some bravery. Julia's partner, Bobby Dykins, had been forced out of the home on Blomfield Road after her death, and had moved into a small place on School Lane in Woolton. Dykins managed a series of bars in Liverpool and was frequently out in the evenings, checking up on his properties and management teams. John had persuaded me, just in time for St. Valentine's Day, to go round Bobby's place and break in through a back window that he left unlocked.

"Are ye sure about this?" I asked, dressed in a rose-coloured chantilly lace dress under my thick black overcoat.

"Sure. I've seen 'im once or twice recently. He won't mind us makin' use o' the place." John placed his hands on the base of the single-sash window leading to Bobby's kitchen and jiggled it open. He wiggled through quickly, tumbling over the sink, his face appearing in the window a moment later. "Come 'ead!"

I followed awkwardly, being dragged through bodily by John, eager to get to the bedroom. I couldn't enjoy these stolen trysts as much as I liked, for I was always paranoid about the unexpected return of Bobby, though our luck generally seemed to hold out.

Baby George finally turned sixteen at the end of February, which brought an end to an ongoing worry about being kicked out of the pubs we'd been frequenting, though it was more often Paul or Dot's baby faces that got us questioned and, usually, Paul's smooth tongue that got us out of hot water.

By March, the boys were hardly booking any gigs at all. Nigel Walley's family had recently moved across the Mersey to New Brighton and, shortly afterward, he contracted tuberculosis and disappeared off the face of the earth to recover. John was resigned to the loss of their manager. "He's starting to do well at the golf club, it was only a matter of time until he was too busy for us, anyroad."

As the month wound down, the pressure of my O-levels started to rear its head. I had three months to study for the biggest exams of my academic career so far, while balancing my relationship and the editorial work on the school magazine at the same time. I was starting to feel stressed as I tried to plan out my study schedule amidst all my other responsibilities. Not helpful was John's attitude toward my exams.

"Annie, you'll do fine on yer O-levels, yer a million times smarter than everyone else already, ye don't need to study."

"Annie, they aren't so bad. Ye know it all already. Trust me."

"Annie, O-levels are a conspiracy anyroad."

He was resentful toward any time that I set aside for studying, feeling that I was purposefully planning time away from him, which, in his mind, was unacceptable. Whenever I tried to explain my reasoning, he turned sour, cutting me off with a sharp statement and a dismissive air. I eventually decided we'd just have to agree to disagree and simply ignored his glowering and dark moods.