afflicted

17

Azriel rose to his feet, heading towards the door of the cabin that held the majority of his decent childhood memories. He'd have to go look for Callie. He couldn't let her be alone out there in the cold, no matter what she had done. She was his mate and he was physically incapable of allowing her to step into harm when he could prevent it.

"You're not following her, are you?" Cassian growled behind him. His heart sank. He couldn't choose between his mate and his brother. It would rip him apart from the inside out.

"I missed you like hell, man," Azriel said, his eyes blurring again with tears that felt like they may never stop. He felt like the months' worth of loss had broken through floodgates and threatened to drown him in the wave.

"That wasn't an answer," Cassian said warily.

"I can't leave her in the cold alone, Cass," he said, voice barely audible.

"Like hell you can't," Cassian snarled. "She killed our entire family. The bitch deserves to rot, and you need to let her go." Azriel sniffed, looking towards the ceiling in an effort to stave off more tears.

"I tried," he admits, defeated. "I tried so hard."

"I don't understand," Cassian scoffed.

"You're telling me you'd let Nesta walk out into the Illyrian mountains alone in winter, regardless of what she'd done," Azriel begged.

Cassian's face was a perfect portrait of rage.

"I'll never be able to make that decision again," he growled. "Because she took her from me. She took them all from us. So, no, I don't understand." His voice was harsh and unforgiving. The look on his face told Azriel that if he walked out the door right now, he'd lose his brother forever. It was an impossible decision and Azriel felt paralyzed.

"She doesn't remember anything about herself, about what she did, or who she was," Azriel said, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Cassian guffawed. "You're delusional if you believe whatever bullshit she's fed you." His words were a steel sword shoved into Azriel's heart. But he wasn't finished yet. "I get that you've always felt some pathetic need to be loved, but I loved you. Rhys loved you. Feyre, Nesta, and Elain loved you. Morrigan and Amren. But that was never enough for you, was it? No, you needed something to shove your cock in to feel whole."

Azriel's knees threatened to buckle underneath him, but he refused to allow it. Pain echoed in the hollow cavity of his chest. In that moment, it all felt pointless. It felt like all the pain, all the death, and all the hurt had been for nothing. He'd somehow managed to lose his entire family only to get his mate and his brother back, just for them to both leave him all over again.

Maybe he was the problem. He was the common denominator, anyway. He'd had a hand in every pain suffered by the ones he loved. One way or another, he'd caused it all. His shoulders felt heavy. He didn't even have the strength to be sad anymore. All he felt was nothing. It felt like a heavy wet blanket had been thrown over all of his emotions.

"That was harsh, man, I'm sorry," Cassian said, backtracking slightly. Azriel stared at the floor. He couldn't speak. He didn't have anything to say, anyway.

"I just can't hold all of this grief," Azriel said quietly, still not able to look at Cassian. "It's too fucking heavy. I have lost so much. I was alone for months, and I know you get it, but I just couldn't lose her, too. I don't think she did it, man. Or maybe she did, but there's more to the story. You knew her, Cassian. You loved her, too. Please don't just forget about that because you're hurt and angry. I think Maeve hurt her, Cass. We knew she had similar powers to Rhys. He could bend anyone's will and they'd have no choice. I'm not saying that's what happened, but I'm saying it's unfair to not even consider it."