afflicted

11

A/N: Thank you guys so much for your growing support of this fic. It's so appreciated and makes this fic writer feel warm and fuzzy. Keep being little badasses.

Her fingers were laced through his. The sun pouring in from the massive bay window enveloped her skin in a warm, hazy early-morning glow. The golden light highlighted the way their skin pressed together. His tanned and scarred skin against her fragile and pale skin.

He was equal parts darkness and light. He tugged her closer to his side in the bed they currently shared, giving a pleased hum as she tucked her face into the delicate skin of his neck. She inhaled the comforting smell of him. He felt like home.

"They'll be fussing over us soon for being late," Azriel chuckled, his voice a deep and relaxing melody. She felt every vibration when he spoke, every breath he drew in and consequently released.

"Let them," Callie said, tucking herself as close as physically possible to him. She would never get tired of this. Would never get enough of the feel of his warm skin against hers. It was a happiness and peace she'd never felt before.

The world had finally allowed her to rest, to breathe. The war had ended and they'd fought with their last breaths for this moment, for this bliss. They deserved it. Most of all Azriel. He'd never let anyone else know, but in the dark intimate moments just before he drifted into sleep, he'd confide in her just how badly the war had fucked him up.

Nearly losing his brothers would never stop haunting him. He lost countless nights of sleep to pacing the floors and fretting over the paralyzing panic that crushed his chest with the images of something else hurting the people he loved. He couldn't relax, he'd told her. It just felt as though some great doom was looming over his head, waiting for the right moment to flood his lungs and teach him he knew nothing about pain. He had to keep moving constantly, or it threatened to swallow him whole.

Rhysand and Cassian were the only family he'd ever known. They'd loved him more than any blood relative he'd ever met. They supported him, fought for him, and gave him a reason to wake up and go on.

She could see on his face that he was thinking about it again. She gently raised her free hand to his face, using her thumb to smooth out the wrinkles between his brows as he thought. He relaxed into her touch, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

He held her tightly to his chest like she would vanish the instant he let her go. She hugged him back just as hard, happy to give him these small moments of reassurance when his doubt was a loud roar in his head.

"I'm here, Az. I'm not going anywhere," she said softly, pressing a kiss to his throat.

He held her to his chest, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"I know, bunny. I know." His voice was somber. It felt like a javelin to her chest to know how much he was hurting and how little she could do about it. "Every day I wake up afraid I'll lose you all."

She sat up, looking down at where his head still rested on the feathered pillows. She still held his hand, pulling it into her lap and using both of her hands to lightly caress his skin.

"You won't lose us, Azriel. We have earned this. You have earned this. We deserve to be able to live a quiet life together. Don't let your doubt convince you differently," she said, lifting his hand to press a kiss to his knuckles. "I love you today, I love you tomorrow, I love you forever."

He nodded.

"I love you in this life, and if there's a life after this one, I'll love you there, too," he said with a soft sleepy smile. She grinned back at him.

"Okay, baby, c'mon. Up we go," she said, nudging him into motion. "Breakfast at the House of Wind is your favorite, and you know that if we aren't on time, Cassian will just eat it all anyway."

Azriel chuckled, rising from the bed to walk to his dresser. She watched the way his back muscles moved under his skin. He was so lithe, so powerful. Sometimes she forgot just how deadly he was. He was so gentle with her, so soft and loving.

He looked back at her as if he knew what she was thinking, and the look in his eyes nearly shattered her heart inside of her chest. It was so full of adoration and loyalty. She never had to doubt him. Not once. With him, she would always be safe.

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"Shit-" Azriel's hissed curse drug her from the deep trenches of sleep. She shot up with a gasp, wiping the sleep from her eyes as she set her feet on the ground. She padded gently to the door, opening it to peek outside.

Azriel sat on the couch, sharpening his beloved dagger. The hilt was a carved bat, embedded with sapphire glowing jewels to match the ones that adorned his hands and chest, reflecting and containing his power. He was in his fighting leathers, causing Calina to narrow her eyes at him.

"Goodmorning, sunshine. Happy to know you rose with such a great attitude," he scoffed at her expression. He slid the blade back into its holster, rising from the couch to grab his boots. Before he began to shove them on, she spoke.

"You can't seriously think I'm about to let you walk out that door," she said, voice firm.

His hazel eyes shot to hers, freezing for a moment before barking out a laugh. Heat filled her cheeks as she clenched her fists at her side.

"Good one. I wasn't asking for your permission," he growled, shoving one foot into his heavy boots and beginning to swiftly knot the laces to secure them.

"You almost died, Azriel," she huffed.

"But I didn't, thanks to yet another secret you pulled out of your ass," his tone was light and playful, but his eyes held cold death. His plush pink lips formed a sadistic smile. He was on edge today, taunting her into a fight just for the hell of it.

"That's not fair," she said, voice small.

He absolutely guffawed at that, his laugh haughty and mocking. She didn't like this side of him. Perhaps last night had crossed a line, gotten too intimate for him so now he was goading her to regain that emotional distance. She wouldn't play into it.

"Not fair? Callie, I'd love to know what you know about not fair. Try having a mate that killed your family and is now fucking terrified of you and i-"

Her heart stopped dead in her chest. She was being catapulted through space and time, her body turning inside out and stomach doing somersaults. Her mouth opened, blinking at him as she sputtered for words.

He realized then what he'd done, what he'd revealed.

"Mate?" She said, tears welling up in her eyes. No no no no. No. Absolutely not. If she had thought the ache in her chest was drowning her before, this shoved a tsunami of emotion down her throat.

It made so much sense, too much sense. The way she caught herself constantly looking at him. The things she remembered about him embedded into her bones. Like how she'd known to look for a hidden weapon near where he slept. She knew without even recalling how she knew, that Azriel was paranoid. He always had a myriad of weapons hidden and available in case of emergencies.

He was pale and gaunt, looking like a ghost of himself. He didn't speak, just blinked at her. She fought for words, for any reaction to give him, but could summon none. It was stuck behind the lump in her throat.

He scoffed, roughly tugging on his other boot and storming out the door, slamming it behind him. She stood looking at the door for much longer than she'd ever admit. She didn't know why. Maybe she was waiting for him to come back and apologize or yell at her some more.

She heard the light crunch of footsteps in the snow, alerting her to his return. Good. He'd blown off some steam and settled himself and would now be ready to talk and answer all of her questions.

She smoothed down her hair, taking a deep breath to steady herself as the knob turned. The door exploded inwards as thought it had been magically blown off the hinges. The wood splintered with a creak to reveal the figure looming in the doorway.

It wasn't Azriel.