31 | we're home

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I V Y T H O M P S O N


JJ's words have been on repeat in my head for the last two days.

Maybe you need to take control of your own life, Ivy, rather than letting others dictate what you can and can't do.

Deep down I know he's right. I can't keep living my life by Finn's rulebook but we both know he's not going to be happy. Hell—after Ben, if he caught me with one of his friends again, he'd personally start throwing fists. Even if he trusts JJ.

Once upon a time he trusted Ben too. I know he didn't handle the accident well, he thought it was his fault because through Finn I met him, how I became close with him. But when I think about being with JJ, technically I met him before I even knew they were friends.

And JJ feels different. There is something about him that feels like home—and I haven't felt at home in a long fucking time. It's nostalgic and I've only known him for two months.

But even after our conversation at the beach, it's clear he's been avoiding me. I might have admitted I wanted him over text but I still proceeded to tell him that we can't do this—even though I want it so badly.

JJ is ready to risk everything. I know he's worth it but I'm terrified.

I fear it'll send Finn spiralling. He already took up drinking when I almost died, when he couldn't shift the blame from himself. He's still drinking now and refuses to accept that it's an issue. How would he cope if he knew I was an item with his best friend?

It wouldn't go down well at all. If anything, it'll tear us all apart.

That's what I'm afraid of the most.

But at what expense do I stop doing the things I want? The expense of my happiness.

It's obvious that I have a spark with JJ. We practically cannot stay away from each other, always sneaking glances at one another and being there at times when no one else is. I can't stop hearing his voice travel around my head, those same words on repeat.

He's right. We both know it. I just need to suck up some courage and do something about it. Otherwise I'll regret it for the rest of my life. I already regret not doing anything sooner.

I sit outside on the patio, sun cream splattered all over my face and arms as I scroll through Instagram on my phone. A shadow is cast over my back and I turn to find the culprit. "Hey," Finn says as he perches beside me. "What you doing?"

"Nothing," I sigh as I lock my phone and throw it onto the grass in front of us. "Random scrolling, nothing interesting."

Finn nods and wraps his arms loosely around his knees, drawing them towards his chest. "Look, Ivy, I need to tell you something."

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