haikyuu sickfics

15: [arankita] panic attack

((mild TW: description of panic attack))

sick: kita - caretaker: aran

3rd pov:

today was like any other day for inarizaki practice, they all cleaned up the gym and left. well, they all left except for one of the third years. their captain, shinsuke kita. he had been taught at a young age by his grandmother to be clean. it was so ingrained in his brain that even after the team left to go home for the night, he stayed to clean extra. he made sure every ball was clean, made sure everything was in order for the next day. as his grandmother always said, "there is always someone watching." and to him, that stuck with him. whenever he was doing anything, he made sure to do it right the first time. no one wanted to have to redo something. he did things proficiently and efficiently. that's why he of all people was captain. he didn't get to play in the games all the time, he wasn't the most amazing player in the world. if he was being honest, his teammates often surpassed him and he didn't mind. that's not why he was captain. he wasn't captain because he was this amazing show stopping player. no, he was the most reliable person on the team, he was captain material. he was reliable on and off the court. on the court, he was a good receiver and again, over all reliable. they could trust him to fill the gaps that they needed filled. ergo his nickname, 'mister no gaps kita shinsuke' given to him by the setter, atsumu miya. and he was reliable off the court too, making sure everything was in order..perfect. that's where his second nickname came in, 'mister perfect kita.'

although the captain was seemingly perfect on the outside, he was far from being that polished on the inside. some background to his cleaning habits told people why. he was scared if he didn't clean and make it perfect, he or someone on the team would be punished. it was a lot of pressure to put on the already high stakes player like kita. he was already the captain and had to deal with the rambunctious team he was given. but, somehow he managed.

as he was cleaning up just a little extra today, the impending feeling of doom decided to make its appearance. nothing in particular set it off. hell, he wasn't even that stressed at the moment. no games were coming up, no tests, so why did it feel like his heart was going to beat out of his chest? once anxiety about one thing came in, it all came flooding in. every single thing he had been worried about or just mildly concerned about in the past week or so, that all came back like a tidal wave. 

he needed to remove himself from the room. now. he hurried over to the locker room and closed himself in, he needed a smaller space, all the open space made the anxiety worse. damn. he couldn't concentrate. that's when he started to get overstimulated. everything around him was flooding his senses. he sat on the ground in the corner of the locker room, hugging his knees to his chest. he could feel the way the seams of his shirt rubbed against his skin. the way when he breathed he felt the fabric slowly move. he even held his breath after few seconds to prevent that sensation. he could hear the clock ticking away next to him. he could smell the overwhelming scent of the locker room. he heard a door opening with force. he heard a door? wait- what could that possibly be? shit, someone was coming after him. his fear was coming true. shit. shit. shit. this was the end. fuck. he rubbed his arms, trying to ground himself and give himself something else to focus on. shit. it wasn't working. shit. shit. shit. this was the end. he didn't even realize he was crying until he felt the warmth of the tears on his cheeks. yet another thing that added to his sensory overload. the crying made the panic attack worse which in turn made him cry more. it was a viscous cycle.

unbeknownst to the captain, it was aran. as he had been walking home from practice, he realized he forgot his wallet there. he had run back, hoping and praying that kita hadn't finished his little cleaning ritual. when he got there, he yanked at the gym door, assuming it would be locked. it wasn't, that's why it opened with such force. there was no malice intent. but when he came in, kita was no where to be seen. oh well, he had to be somewhere. plus, aran was just here for his wallet. just to grab it quickly and leave. when he got into the locker room, he was about to grab the wallet that was barely hanging out of his locker. he reached for it before he picked up on the sounds of sobs. he followed them until he saw the captain, his boyfriend, in tears and what looked like hyperventilating.

"shin?" he asked quietly but got no response.  he dropped his bag cautiously as he approached his partner. he was already panicking himself. aran was sympathetic, obviously, so he was panicking because kita was panicking. "what- what is it?" he asked, his head on a swivel to see if there was something around them. danger maybe. did something scare kita? was he okay? was he dying? was his boyfriend gonna die? was this the end? why wasn't he answering? he looked like he saw a ghost? shit, a ghost? was that it? it couldn't be it. was it a panic attack? he had never seen one. of course it was one, this is what kita had told him about. his panic attacks. shit, he needed to remember what to do.  aran was so enthralled with his own thoughts that he zoned out. but, he quickly shook himself out of it and fumbled for his phone. "don't worry, shin. i got this. it's okay. i can fix this-" he said, almost frantically as he typed something on his phone.

he crouched down to kitas level and looked into his eyes, squinting somewhat. "are you able to talk?" he asked, no response was given in return. shit. he was at a loss. oh- he was supposed to talk. talk about anything. that's what kita said. shit. he didn't know what to talk about. "um- um- i scored a ninty on my trig test today!" he said, god he really hoped this was a panic attack or he would look mighty stupid bringing up test scores right about now. as time passed, aran started to just talk, talk about everything and it eventually started to calm kita down. "yeah- then atsumu tackled samu to the ground-" aran said, telling a story about the twins in childhood but he was stopped when kita grabbed his hand gently. "hold me-" kita muttered. aran didn't need to be told twice. he moved over and got behind kita, pulling his boyfriends back to his chest. he wrapped his arms around his chest and gave shinsuke one of those rib breaking hugs that could make anyone smile. aran rested his head on kitas shoulder, continuing with his story while he held him in a tight hold. he did it until kita felt better. that's when he took him home finally.

((word count: 1255))