Carl grimes imagines/oneshots

Carl's letter to you (angst)

Song: Fourth of July - Sufjan Stevens

It had been a week since Carl died, everyday you would stare at the unopened letter on your bedside. Never having the guts to open it.

You were sitting on the balcony of the hilltop house, staring at the orange sunset and fiddling with the button you had turned into a necklace, a button from Carl's flannel. You wipe a tear from your cheek. "Wow Carl, this one's almost as beautiful as you." You say to yourself while admiring the beautiful colors of the sky.

Footsteps can be heard behind you. "You ok?" You turn around a quickly wipe your tears to see Maggie standing in the doorframe. You nod. "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." She scratches her brow. "No you're not, what's wrong honey?" You motion for her to come here and she follows suit, leaning her forearms on the rail.

You tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. "It almost doesn't feel real. Like I keep finding myself just waiting to wake up, or snap out of it." She nods in agreement. She knew what you were going through, she lost the love of her life just a few months before you did.

"When I was with him I always felt like we were the protagonists, like it was a movie and we were gonna be the last ones standing. Like we were gonna-." Maggie cuts you off. "Live forever?"

You nod and wipe your tears. "Yeah exactly. He was just, he was one of those people you couldn't see yourself living without. And now he's gone, and I still can't."

She places her hand over yours. "It was like that when Glenn died too, for a while, I was lost without him. I didn't think I could live on. But I did, and so can you."

You look down at the ground below you. "He made me promise I would. Everyday that promise is harder and harder to keep. Maggie I don't think I deserve to live."

Your statement took her aback. "Why is that?" She said with worry in her voice.

"He saved my life, so many times. And when he really needed me, I didn't." You take a breath. "I was there, when he got bit. If only I had shot faster, he'd still be here." You say through sobs.

She stays silent.

"And every night, I'm up here, I think about how easy it would be, if I just threw myself off." She grips onto your hand tighter.

"Easier for who? It certainly wouldn't be easier for us. Y/n, we can't afford another funeral." She says as a tear falls from her eye.

"You're Right. I just want this pain to go away."

"It may not go away, but it'll get better. I promise you that."

You get down from the balcony and hug Maggie. "Thanks Maggie, I'm gonna try to get some sleep now."

She hugs you back. "No problem kiddo, love you." You smile. "Love you too."

You walk back to your room and sit on the bed. Your eyes immediately dart to the off white envelope marked with your name on it. You slowly reach for it with a shaky hand. You tear open the top with the tip of your knife. Before you pull out the letter inside you hesitate but decide to read it. "Let's see what you have to say to me Carl." You open the letter and take a deep breath.

Dear Y/N,
if you're reading this, I'm dead. Obviously. And if you're reading this just know that I love you and this isn't your fault. I was gonna die sooner or later, I knew that. I just didn't know it would be like this. I didn't want it to be like this. I had a vision for us, a life of our own. A house, children, growing old together, maybe even a dog. Ha! No you were always more of a cat person. Waking up next to you everyday seemed like heaven. I never thought I could be this in love, but everyday I wake up and I fall in love just a little bit more with you. I remember when I first started to love you. Back at the prison, after my mom died, I started to push everyone away, everyone except you. Because no matter how hard I tried, you wouldn't let me. No matter how mean or hostile or just rude I was you stayed by my side when nobody else did. I loved you long before we were even together, and I'll continue to love you long after. Wherever we went, whenever times were hard, no matter what you were dealing with, you were always a light in my life. I remember when when you first kissed me, right after the prison fell, it had been a month and somehow you happened upon us. You ran straight into my arms and then you kissed me, and you told me you loved me. It felt like a million fireworks went off in my heart in that moment. I remember our first fight, and how shitty I felt after. I remember holding you at night and kissing your neck when I woke up. I remember rubbing your back and running my fingers through your hair and kissing your forehead when you were upset. I remember you waiting at the gates for me every time I came back from a run. I remember how you would grab my wrist when you got scared. I remember how it feels to be loved by you, and I remember how it feels to love you. I remember so many of our little moments. You kept me going. I can only imagine how you're feeling right now and I wish nothing more than to comfort you, but I can't. You used to tell me "there is a light at the end of the tunnel but you won't find it unless you keep walking." I'm asking you to keep walking, and if you can't there are people that will carry you until you can again. Because I'll be waiting for you on the other side when you're done, so you can run into my arms and kiss me and tell me you love me again. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, you made this whole shitstained world worth it and you showed me how it's such a wonderful thing to love. Words cannot explain how much I love you, take care of Judith for me and take care of yourself.

Goodbye, I love you,
                                   Carl

You didn't realize how much you were crying. Your face and neck was soaked with tears and your hair was sticking to your skin. Your face was hot and you were gasping for air. You never knew he noticed all those little things about you, you never knew how much he paid attention to you. Of course you knew he loved you, but this, this was different from him just saying I love you.

You read it a few more times before you noticed the small flower taped to the bottom of the paper, one of the white ones that grew everywhere. It was dried up now but you carefully took it off the letter and examined it. Another tear falls from your eye as you spin it with your fingers. A small smile crosses your face for a split second as you remember all the happy memories with Carl.

You put the letter back in the envelope and set it gently on the nightstand before laying down on your side, on hand left open almost expecting Carl to entangle his fingers in yours, and the other hand holding the button hanging from your neck, as you slowly drift off into unconsciousness.

A/N: sad one because I hate everyone, deal with it lmao, I write best when I'm writing sad things. Im actually working on a full book of poetry so lmk if you'd like to see that

1350 words
<3