Come Back to Me (Don't Save Me Book 3)

Chapter 70: Where's Home?

"Y/n? Sweetheart, where's home?" he asked me, gently squeezing my hands. I could feel my breaths getting shallower as the sense of calm slowly dissipated.

"Remus?"

"It's alright," he soothed. "You're safe. Hey... look at me... Where's home?"

"I-I don't know anymore." I could feel my skin growing warm as I panicked, looking around the room. Severus wasn't here, neither was Albus or Minerva. I had never seen this type of magic from myself before and it terrified me not knowing what was happening.

"Hey, it's alright," Remus soothed, taking my hands in his, before looking up at Sirius. "Here, Pads, let me take her." He gently lifted me off of Sirius, sitting down with me in his lap and guiding my head to his chest. "Everything's going to be fine," he soothed, keeping his voice low. "I know that look, Y/n... Can you open your mind? Can you show me what you just saw?"

I nodded, allowing him into my thoughts as the vision replayed before he withdrew from my mind.

"Home," he murmured softly. "Malfoy Manor."

"I didn't mean-."

"Hey, it's alright, Y/n. I'm not judging you... I cannot imagine how confused you must be."

At this I looked up at him, the burning of my skin slowly seeming to dull.

"Y-you don't hate me?"

"Oh, Y/n, of course not," he sighed, resting his head on top of mine. "I could never hate you."

He held me for a few moments, concealing my hands and their deep blue color from the rest of the Order before they finally returned to normal and my breathing steadied. A heavy silence filled the room before Molly finally spoke up.

"Your boggart," she whispered as I turned to her. "Th-that happened to you... the second part? I-it was based on real events... wasn't it?"

I nodded and she continued. "The first part... wh-what was that based on?"

"A fear of what she really wants," Sirius answered after a moment of silence, words seeming to fail me when I needed them most for a way to explain what they'd just seen.

"Sirius," Remus warned, silently willing him to tread carefully.

"No, it's alright," I assured him as I slowly stood, Remus helping me to my feet. "It's a reminder of things I can never have... of things that have long since passed... and things that could never be... It's a reminder that despite my place in the Order... I will never be anything more than Tom Riddle's daughter."

"Y/n-," Remus began but I stopped him.

It's a reminder that..." My voice cracked as I spoke. "That no matter how far I run... he will always find me... and nothing I do will ever be able to change that."

***

The next few days were awkward, to say the least. No one knew what to say to me and I couldn't blame them, for I had no words to offer either. Remus was the only one who knew of the vision I'd had, though neither of us could make sense of it, nor did we even know if it was real, so we simply said nothing more about it. The boggart, however, wasn't quite so easy to forget. Its image kept replaying in my mind: my father pointing to the manor that had once protected me, my younger self running toward the Malfoy's, their arms outstretched as they waited for me. I tried to shake the thoughts but everywhere I went they consumed me. That was my greatest fear, my father, at least that's what I told myself. If only the boggart's image could've stopped at my father's face, snakelike and pale. That would've been a fear I could live with. A threat from him, promising to kill me or perhaps seeing myself lying dead on the carpet instead of the children. Those were fears I could live with, but it appeared the boggart knew my mind better than I did, for it projected an image far more horrifying than I could've ever imagined. A happy life, a family that wanted me, smiles in their eyes as I ran toward them. I would've given anything to go back to the days when their love surrounded me and I felt at peace. It was a brief, fleeting moment, but it was mine. It was a happiness unlike anything I had ever felt; the moments following the trial when everything had felt right with the world.

If only I'd have known just how far things would fall from there. For now, my greatest fear wasn't my uncle coming to end my life or the knowledge that the Ministry of Magic wouldn't protect me. My fears had morphed, shifted into something even more terrifying and they weren't something I could fight, for how can you fight an idea? How can you fight the knowledge that perhaps one day you will end up just like your father, just like the man you hate, and the man who killed your friends? How can you fight against the happy little girl running to Malfoy Manor without a care in the world? For my greatest fear was no longer the shadows in the night. It was my own reflection... and the knowledge of what I could become.