Come Back to Me (Don't Save Me Book 3)

Chapter 56: Running Again

TW Mentions of past abuse and trauma. PTSD

My heart was hammering in my chest as I saw him standing in our doorway.

"I know she's here, Severus," Lucius said, not even greeting Severus.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean, Lucius," Severus replied gruffly.

"I need to see her."

"I think she's made it quite clear she does not want to see you, Lucius. And after what you did to her you're lucky I haven't hexed you on the spot. It's only for her sake that you are not writhing in pain," he spat. Lucius looked down, a guilty look crossing his face.

"Severus, please... I never meant to hurt her. Please just let me explain things to her."

"She does not want to see you. I will not force her to. Now, you need to leave."

"Severus-." Lucius was instantly cut off as Severus spoke again, his voice low and threatening.

"I wonder how the Dark Lord would feel if he learned you were bothering his daughter... if he learned that you were showing up at my house to find her when she has explicitly made it clear she does not want to see you."

"You wouldn't."

"Oh, I think I would. What you did was wrong and you know it," Severus spat. His voice suddenly grew quieter and I could just barely make out what he was saying. "You know everything she's been through and for you to do that to her... That was vile."

"Just let me talk to her."

"You need to leave now," Severus hissed.

Lucius looked up, finally seeing me standing in the corner. My heart began racing as his eyes locked with mine. Severus turned to see what he was staring at. He took in my wide eyes, my chest which was rising and falling faster than normal as my breaths quickened.

"Get out!" he spat, turning to Lucius and slamming the door. He ran over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Hey, you're alright, my love. You're safe. I've got you," he soothed. The door opened quietly and Lucius stepped through it.

"Get out!" Severus yelled, raising his wand. I backed away, fear overtaking me and Lucius stopped in his tracks, raising his hands.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he soothed before turning to Severus. "I wouldn't hurt her."

"You already did, Lucius. Now, get. Out," he hissed, each word slow and threatening. Severus moved toward me but I backed away, hugging my knees to my chest as memories flashed in my mind, each one jumbled with one another.

"Imperio," Lucius whispered.

"Crucio!" my father screamed, causing Harry to fall to the ground, writhing in pain.

"I'll be damned if you end up like your father!" my uncle's voice roared as a new memory flashed in my head. The cruciatus curse running through every nerve in my body, setting each one on fire. I screamed but no one could hear me alone in the dingy basement.

"Y/n, I'm not here to hurt you," Lucius said, crouching next to me.

"Lucius, I swear if you don't leave-."

"You'll what? Tell me what you'd do because it doesn't seem like you have this handled very well."

"Watch it," Severus hissed, turning back to me as his gaze softened. "I'm here, love. What can I do?"

I shook my head, not knowing what I needed at the moment. It didn't feel like the panic attacks I've had in the past. This felt different. I didn't want to see Lucius yet every muscle in my body was screaming for me to talk to him and to hear what he had to say. My breathing was heavy but it didn't feel like before when I would zone out, unable to focus on what was going on around me. I felt a hand touch my arm, but when I looked up it wasn't Severus. I saw Lucius looking at me intently and a rush of adrenaline was sent through my body, screaming at me to back away, but when I looked into his sad eyes I couldn't bring myself to move away. It was the same look he'd had in his eyes when I'd shown up on the doorstep of the manor and he'd asked if it'd happened again. I'd whispered the words "every summer" and his eyes had filled with such sadness but he'd kept his cool, bringing me inside and helping to heal my bruises. I could feel my walls crumbling around me as I stared at him. Severus watched me carefully, waiting for any sign of fear or hesitation at Lucius being so close but he saw none.

"Why, Lucius?" I whispered, remembering Harry's body writhing on the ground as I stood there unable to do anything about it, his screams sounding so similar to my own as I'd begged for any sort of relief.

"Y/n, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I only wanted to keep you safe. If you'd gone after the Dark Lord and interrupted his killing of Harry you'd have ended up dead. He's currently spinning the story, saying that Harry grabbed you and took you back to Hogwarts. He's telling the other Death Eaters that the Potter boy had taken you away from us and filled your head with lies. Had you tried to stop him killing Harry he wouldn't have been able to spin that story and you'd be dead. Truthfully, I think even he believes that version of the story and that when the time comes you'll join him."

"And what do you believe?" I asked as my body slowly calmed down.

"The boy is your godson. It's clear that you care about him. I think you would go great lengths to protect him... but we're your family."

"You were my family," I hissed. "But Tom? He never was. He may biologically be my father but blood does not make a family and he sure as hell isn't mine."

"You've felt similarly before. I quite remember you hating Sirius Black for a time and look how that ended up."

"That is not the same thing and you know it," I spat. He could tell I was growing more annoyed so he changed the subject.

"Y/n... I never meant to hurt you that night. I only wanted to stop you from getting yourself killed."

"So instead you let my godson be tortured. You let him cry for help while I stood there and did nothing. I couldn't move!" My voice began growing in volume as the anger overwhelmed me. "I couldn't think!"

"Y/n... I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I will never be able to apologize enough but I did it to protect you. Everything I've done or will ever do has been to protect you."

"Lucius, what are you talking about?"

"Nothing," he looked down, no longer meeting my eyes.

"Lucius, what did you do?" I asked, standing up. His eyes widened as he realized I was pulling away once again.

"Y/n, wait, please!"

I backed away and Severus stepped between Lucius and I.

"What did you do?" he growled.

"Severus... he's her family. He has a right to see her. He has a right to know where she is!"

I took a step back as the realization hit me. He'd told my father where I was!

"You coward!" Severus spat. "Do you have any idea what you've done!"

"He's her father!"

"No!" I yelled. Their eyes instantly fell on me as I tried to control my shaking voice. "He's not my father! I will never be one of you!"

"Maybe not yet," he sighed.

"What do you mean 'not yet?'" I spat.

"There are things you can't know yet. I'm sorry, Y/n. I just wanted you to have your father in your life."

"Get out!" Severus growled, his anger overtaking him as he grabbed Lucius's collar and practically dragged him to the door, slamming it in his face. Severus quickly made his way to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, trying to soothe the fear overtaking me.

"Severus, what are we going to do? My father knows where to find me! I can't stay here!"

Silence filled the room as we both knew I was right. I could feel his chest rising and falling heavily.

"You just moved in," he whispered, though it wasn't an argument he was making, rather it was more of a sad admission, a realization of the life we could never have.