Amity and Enmity

Chapter 55

"Thank you, My King." Calixte bowed, then was dismissed out of the room.

*

Afterwards, Calixte returned to Violette to share the news that he had been officially approved to be her concubine, however, Calixte found it difficult to celebrate at the moment, his mind still focused on what King Osmond had said.

How could he not have realised that a concubine's main duty was to give sexual pleasure? It was like he had completely forgotten what the word even meant; all he cared about was to be by Violette's side.

Violette had not initiated or even mentioned sex in the month of their relationship or was she simply waiting until Calixte had been approved by the king?

They were in her bed chambers at the moment, sat on the sofa in front of the fireplace, which they had done many times before, yet it felt different now.

Calixte glanced back at the poster bed in the room, wondering if Violette was expecting it to happen tonight. That was the whole point of a concubine, was it not? Yet Calixte was still not mentally prepared and wished that he at least did some research into how the act was supposed to play out. What if he was no good? Would Violette leave him since he could not properly perform his concubine duties?

There is something wrong with me, Calixte thought. Even now he did not feel any temptation to kiss or sleep with Violette. Through stories, poems, and songs, he had heard that romantic love came paired with uncontrollable lust and desire, yet he felt nothing. Whilst he loved to kiss Violette's hand or cheek, to hold her in his arms, there was no yearning to go much further.

Was he wrong? Was this just friendship?

No, it couldn't be. He had felt friendship and this was not it, though it was built on the foundation of it. Calixte had never felt this way before and he had never been so certain of it before as he gazed back at Violette now, knowing that they could be together. However, in the back of his mind, he wondered if it would be enough for Violette.

"What's wrong, Calixte?" Violette asked, squeezing his hand. "What is on your mind?"

"What is..." Calixte hesitated, glancing behind at the bed. "What exactly do you want from me in this relationship? What exactly... are my duties?"

"Calixte," Violette sighed as she caressed his cheek with her ungloved hand. "First, you do not have any 'duties'. You are not a servant or some sort of sex object. I do not want you to feel that you are obligated to do anything, I want your companionship not your obedience. As I told you before, I want you to treat me like anyone else, not the queen."

Calixte nodded. "Okay." However his mind was still unsettled, the doubt lingering. "But do you..." he mumbled, glancing over at the bed. "But do you still want that from me?"

Violette paused for a moment, then replied, "it's alright, Calixte. I have figured it out for a while now, that is something you might not be entirely comfortable with."

"I just want you to know that it is not that I find the idea of lying with you repulsive or that you are not desirable."

"No, it's okay, Calixte. I understand."

"Nor do I entirely object to it, I-" Calixte sighed. "It is difficult to explain. I- I very much enjoy your company, and I know I want to be with you. I love to hold your hand, to kiss it, to hold you, but I..." His eyes once again wandered over to the bed. "I do not feel much lust like others seem to."

"And I am fine with that." Violette once again squeezed his hand.

"But do you want me to..." He hesitated. "Do you not want me to satisfy you, though? If you still want that, then I will do it, if it'll make you happy."