(Brother Series - Book One)
Asher Bernardi; A teenage boy dealing with the trauma of transferring from one foster home to another after he was given up at the fine age of two years old, each home is worst than the last, what happens when his curren...
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~ Asher Alexander Bernardi ~
It sucks doesn't it? Feeling like you aren't good enough.
Like you don't belong no matter where you go.
Like trying to put the circle shape in the triangle hole, it won't fit no matter how hard you try to force it and if you continue to try and make it fit you will just end up breaking the entire toy.
That sounds about right.
You don't fit in.
Not in your house, not in your city, and most certainly not in society.
What if I feel like this for the rest of my life? An outsider.
I don't think I would be able to handle that.
It almost feels like I'm sitting here idly waiting for something that is never going to happen.
I've only been here for a day but I already have my idea of who to stay away from entirely and who isn't entirely awful — based on first impressions.
Alessandro; He isn't too bad I suppose.
His voice is always stern and serious with a loud edge to it which makes me jump constantly. I feel weary, but he called me Asher, from the second I met him, he called me Asher.
He even wrote my name on his hand and told me I can correct him... Nobody has done that before... Well besides Kyan but he's irrelevant.
He's scary and could still squash me with his pinky if he chose to do so, for that reason alone I don't want to get on his bad side. Dario; I don't have much of an opinion on him as I haven't really seen him talk except for when he was defending their mom I suppose.
Rocco and Mattia; Neither of them really talk to me nor do they look at me but based on what I have seen they don't really talk to anyone besides each other.
Salvatore; He's the one I need to stay clear from at all costs, I'm not sure what I did wrong but he seriously hates me, and I know better than anyone how much damage hate and anger can do.
I can't handle anybody else putting their hands on me — in any way.
Especially given the fact I'm still not healed and the last beating from sir was pretty bad.
I guess it truly is sad, getting hurt so much that my only concern is 'I'm not healed enough to survive another beating', it's alright though... Sadly, I will survive no matter the outcome.
I always do.
Finally taking a glance at my bedside clock that reads twelve past eight at night.
I went back to my room right after Alessandro discussed rules and haven't left my room since. My room feels almost safe, and that's a feeling I have only got when Kyan was standing between me and an abusive foster mom we had at the time.
Safe isn't a feeling I am familiar with but this room feels almost safe.
I'm not ready to give up on that feeling just yet.
I'm getting too comfortable — it's only a matter of time before they start hitting me or just outright send me away.
Deciding I need to get water before I dehydrate I force myself off the cloud-like bed.
Just as previous foster homes never had rules on food they didn't have rules on water either so that was a plus.
Hopefully nobody is awake or at least out in the main part of the house so I can just sneak out and then sneak right back in without anybody even noticing I left.
Although that's wishful thinking when I heard voices coming from the family room.
Salvatore and a voice I fail to recognize.
"But I want to meet him..." The voice whines.
"Well too bad Quinny, he's not even here."
"What do you mean he's not here? It's late and do you understand how dangerous it is out there, especially for possible fem presenting people? Based on what you have told me, he would pass as a tomboy to creeps on the street."
"I don't know, I haven't seen him since dinner, it's not my problem though."
Just as I thought I was making my way around the outskirts of the room completely unnoticed the unknown voice makes some form of excited mouse — ear-bleeding — screech.
"You fucking liar. That's Asher right?!"
Deciding I want to get out of this incredibly awkward situation I decided to speak — or well... whisper, "I don't mean to intrude, I was just getting water..."
"Nonsense. You're brother is just an idiot, I was looking forward to meeting you... My name is Quinn and I'm this idiot's best friend so you will be seeing plenty of me, oh and my pronouns are they, them, and theirs.... Please use them because I am far too socially awkward to ever correct you so instead I will question my existence quite heavily."
"Um... It's nice to meet you Quinn?" I whisper — really wanting to just go back to my room, I don't even care about the water anymore.
"You too." They respond with a smile. Actually I think they were smiling this entire time.... How can someone smile so much? Doesn't their face hurt?
"Asher." A stern voice echoes through the family room causing me to jump and almost back into Quinn. "I didn't mean to startle you, may I speak to you for a moment please."
"Did he just say please?" I hear Quinn whisper from behind me, ignoring my shaky hands and follow him back to his office. I don't think I broke a rule...
Wait, shit... Sir didn't like it when I left my room if he had a friend over.
Almost like Alessandro is a mind reader he spoke, "you can relax, you're not in trouble... I just wanted to check in with you, how are you settling in? Are your brothers giving you any problems?"
"It's good..." I whisper shyly, afraid of saying the wrong thing, "And no... No problems." Even if there was, I doubt I would tell him, why would he choose my side over his own brothers?
"That's good,was there a reason you were stuck by Quinn and Salvatore? Quinn is a good kid but can be a bit overwhelming if you're already anxious."
"I was just going for water, I didn't mean to get in the way."
"You're not in the way Asher, chances are Quinn had been bugging him to introduce you from the second she found out you were home..."
Home? Is this home?
No.
"How are you feeling? Do you have any questions for me?"
"I'm good." I whisper — again replying with the answer he may want to hear, he doesn't need to know about the nagging in my brain that constantly reminds me that this is only temporary, and before I could even register the words coming out of my mouth I speak again "where's our parents?"
I shouldn't have said that so I mumbled a quick 'sorry', although the question had been nagging at the back of my head from the moment I was informed of my brothers existence, why was I in the custody of my eldest brother and not my father or mother, unless they truly didn't want me and then I guess I couldn't blame them.
"It's quite alright Asher, well my dad passed away a few years ago and..." His entire body notices and his jaw clenches, I simply pretend I don't notice so I don't make him mad, he still scares me, "Mom... She travels most of the time so you won't get the pleasure of meeting her... hopefully."
