Nobody Can Say It's You

42

The old ways.

Three little words described the customs and practices, the omens and cures, the curses and superstitions, the mystery and the magic of all that was her mountain heritage. Dara Elanor looked at her sister, Chandra Elanor, as she combed her hair and got ready for her date. Berth Carlisle was going to pick Chandra up at four.

"Where ya' goin', Chandra," Dara asked. "Is Berth takin' you any place special?"

"We're going to his uncle's," Chandra said. "They're havin' a pig-pickin' for Berth's grandpap's 77th birthday. Berth says they'll be music 'n' lots a beer. I can't wait."

"Sounds like you'll have a lot of fun," said Dara.

"What you gonna do, tonight?" Chandra asked. "You 'n' Granny gonna go stew up some bats heads 'n' lizard guts 'n' cats claws?"

"Chandra," Dara said, "you know Granny's not into that."

"I wouldn't know what that old witch is into," Chandra said. "And I don't want to. I'll leave all that kind of healing hocus-pocus to you. Though for the life of me, I don't know why you don't find some nice boy and have some fun.

It kills me, Dara, that you're gonna end up a hermit in these backwoods, diggin' roots 'n' dryin' herbs until you die. What kinda life is that? I'd die of boredom in less time than it takes an ant to crawl across the end of a pin."

"Don't be silly, Chandra," Dara said. "The old ways are nothing to scoff at. I only wish you were half as interested in what Granny could teach you as you are in the fellahs. And what does Dougal think about Berth taking you to this cookout?"

"Who cares what he thinks," Chandra said. "Dougal's yesterday's news. And as for the old ways, Dara, I'd rather learn about the real deal, not some stupid superstitions hatched by a bunch of ignorant hillbillies."

"The real deal," Dara said. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Chandra said.

"I can't believe you're dumpin' Dougal," said Dara. "He's not good."

"I am dumping him," Chandra said, "because I'm tired of being taken for granted. Sometimes, the only reason Dougal had me around was so that I could be his gopher-maid."

"His what?" Dara said.

"Chan, he'd say, go get me a beer. The truck's gettin' low on gas," Chandra said. "Can you go 'n' fill 'er up at Brinkley's? Run into town 'n' get me a burger, will you? Extra cheese and pickles. Lots of mayonnaise. And no ketchup. While you're there, get me an order of fries, will you, hon?

A gopher-maid.

Pick up his room when Estill is on the warpath that he never picks up after himself. Fix him a ham sandwich. All I do is work my butt off while he sits and fiddles with his banjo. When he's not pickin', he's off in them woods huntin' or doin' who knows what.

He scares me sometimes, Dara. He gets so mad. He wants to hit me, I know. But I have ways to keep him at bay. Still, who wants to always be wary of a werewolf like Dougal Orner. He's so stuck on himself. It makes me sick."

"You're better off without him," said Dara. "I never liked Dougal. He does have a mean streak. He's disrespectful to Granny. Forget that. Dougal's disrespectful to everybody! He makes my skin crawl. What you ever saw in him, I never could figure out."

"He's a great lover, though," Chandra said, giggling and spreading her hands wide to describe Dougal's greatest feature. "It's the only reason I hung around him for so long."

"Estill's a black witch," Dara said.

"She is not," Chandra said. "That's just a rumor she let's go 'round to keep people from meddlin' in her and Dougal's business. Estill's really smart. She's got a really good head on her shoulders. Too bad Dougal's not more like her."

"Whatever," said Dara. "I really do hope you and Berth have a swell time."

"I'd like to stay and chew the fat, Sis," Chandra said, "but I gotta run. Berth's pickin' me up at the end of the dirt road."

Chandra left the room with the grace and quickness of a young deer.

Dara wanted to yell at her sister to behave, but she knew that where Chandra was concerned, she'd be wasting her breath.