Nobody Can Say It's You

12

"You know, though, if it ain't the strangest thing," Lou Edna said. "Ora Lavelle gave me a ring last night, late. I'd only been home, oh, I don't know, 30 minutes or so. 

She said she went home to an empty house. She said she called Buster, and he told her he was right on schedule. That he was still about a day and a half out, but that he missed her like heck, 'n' when he got home, they was gonna make whoopee till the cows came home. 

Ora Lavelle said Buster's like that when he's been away from her for a spell. She don't know what she likes better, the lovin' reunion or Buster's big paycheck.

She asked Buster if he'd tried to get hold of her 'cause she was out with me. She said Buster acted kinda shocked. He claimed he never called her, but I don't know. 

Maybe he did it to make sure Ora wasn't misbehavin' while he was out on the road. But I don't know why he'd do that. Ora Lavelle ain't never been nothin' but a saint while Buster's on the road. 

You'd think that she was a cloistered nun or something. About twice a year, she'll agree to go out with me. To Sadie's or someplace like that, you know. But always with other women.

She might let her brother take her to Piney Woods for a barbecue, but that's all I ever heard tell of," said Lou Edna. "Ora Lavelle only does that if Purcell brings Gladelle and them two girls."

"You know, I heard that Gladelle was finally gonna go and get her some affordable dentures," said Hadley.

"Ora Lavelle says she likes Gladelle good enough," Lou Edna said. "Can't fault her none on how she keeps them pretty little girls clean and neat. But Ora Lavelle says it is a cryin' shame Gladelle ain't got her no teeth, after all these years. She was a fine-lookin' gal 'fore she got pyorrhea. That rhymes with diarrhea, don't it?

Anyway, Ora Lavelle says it is a real burden to have to go to Piney Woods or church suppers with Purcell and his family.

Gladelle likes to sit right across from Ora Lavelle whenever they set table together, you know. Not to the side, which I guess wouldn't be so bad, but right straight acros't from poor Ora.

Ora Lavelle says that Gladelle is a chatterbox. She says she's always been one to talk, which wasn't so bad before the pyorrhea swolled up her gums, 'n' her teeth started droppin' out one by one. Ora Lavelle says that Gladelle's a tonguer."

"I know I'm gonna regret asking," said Hadley. "A what?"

"A tonguer. You know, when somebody uses their tongue a lot, shovin' it out 'n' such, when they eat."

"Oh, Lou Edna," Hadley said, "it's awful early for this."

But Lou Edna was on a tear.

"Huh?" Lou Edna said, but it was just a sputter. Her brain was engaged, and her racing motor mouth was at top speed.

Ora Lavelle says that by the end of the meal, she looks like she's been settin' acros't from one of them big Everglade boats. You know the kind. The ones with them humongous fans hooked on their rumps. They sort of just float atop the water. Crank up that fan, 'n' boy howdy, do they take off.

She says that sittin' acros't from Gladelle while she's eatin' 'n' talkin' a mile a minute is like bein' at the butt end of a sausage fact'ry chute with that big ole Everglade boat fan set on high speed. She says it's especially bad when they go to someplace like Piney Woods. That barbecue is chopped in the tiniest pieces, 'n' Ora Lavelle says Gladelle spews like Old Faithful with a mouthful of mush. It ain't purty."

"Uh-huh," said Hadley, who after her second pot of coffee, and little else, was turning slightly green.

But Lou Edna did not seem to notice.