Holding On

Thirty-Five

"Hey, why are you so upset? You know it's an eventual thing."

"Then do it now!" She demanded gruffly, shocked by her own inexplicable anger.

"Sweetheart, calm down." He chuckled uneasily, looking confused, unable to decipher whether she was being serious or not. "I thought you liked it this way."

She merely crushed her lips to his again and started driving her hips wildly. He suddenly flipped her over roughly, and drove inside her fast and deep and hard. Yet, despite the fact that he'd paid heed to her demand, she felt no sense of joy which made her wonder why she'd asked for it in the first place.

Probably to kick out her memories of her and Zain with different ones?

Resenting the fact that his sexual expertise was enough to allow memories of her experience with another man to troop in, but more so resenting herself because she knew her husband didn't deserve these comparisons, she barely enjoyed the rest of the coitus. Unsatisfied when his hips arched more deeply into her and his body convulsed hysterically as his orgasm rolled through him, she pretended to have her own high.

Minutes after he'd rolled off her and she'd lied on her left side, he came behind her and touched her shoulder. "Sugar, is something wrong?"

But she pretended to be fast asleep.

**~**~**

The next morning, before they both went down for breakfast and headed to their respective work places, before she readied herself for this battle against Zain, Em told George about her father's appearance yesterday. Of how he'd apologized and told the reasons for which he'd changed years ago.

"That's. . . unexpected?" George said looking moved but choosing his words carefully. "Did. . . did you forgive him?"

Emma threw him an incredulous stare. "Forgive him, you ask? George we are talking about the same man who treated me like I didn't exist after my mother's death, the same one who'd abused my mother and caused her death. You expect me to forgive in just a day?"

George inched closer to her on the bed, taking her hand into his. "I'd never expected forgiving my father for all the abuses he'd put me through and consequently causing me to shut the whole world out until I met you even after he apologized. But I looked at him on his death bed and decided continuing to hate him will only signify that I regret meeting you, which is so not it. You're the best thing that could've ever happened to me, sugar, you and our daughter. I'm not forcing you though, but I know you'll eventually come to have my opinion when the bitterness has died down."

"I guess so." She stated noncommittally as he kissed her even though she knew he was right. Continuing to hold a grudge was like saying she regretted them. Maybe one day she could forgive her father.

Just maybe.

"I guess I should be thanking Zain for helping you lift this weight off your shoulders."

That had her breaths stalling as she recalled what had happened last night. She knew even if George wasn't saying anything, he found her demand while they made love quite unsettling. She needed to get his mind of it before he thought too deeply.

"Coconut, I'm sorry about last night. Like really sorry." She apologized while he placed a kiss on her knuckles.

"What about last night?"

"You know, about the way I got upset and demanded that you. . . get more. . . intense. I was just..." She paused, wondering what she could say.

She knew she couldn't be honest. How could she tell him why she'd gotten so agitated? How could she tell him she'd been getting flashbacks of sex with another man while they were making love?

"I understand." He whispered softly.

"You do?"

Nodding, he placed a kissed her on her lips. "I get it that your father's unexpected appearance made you feel a lot of things, and you just wanted to purge all those unwanted emotions. I really don't mind you taking your anger out on me as long as it makes you feel better afterward."

"Besides," He grinned mischievously with a come-hither gleam in his forest green eyes. "I got to know how you like it best, and hell am I going to change tactics."

He chuckled, and Emma joined him despite the guilt that spasmed through her.

George was everything a woman could wish for in a man. He had a great sense of humour, a startling sense of optimism, had the ability to create jokes during situations where he had every right to get upset. He was very attentive to both her and their daughter, and she loved him dearly.

So what the hell was wrong with her?