Holding On

ᴛᴡᴇɴᴛʏ

She still had feelings for him, Emma realized with a sense of startling shock.

Oh, God.

A thrill shot through her, yet she managed to hold herself frozen, deciding she was going to be as unresponsive and as stiff as a board. That way he would know that she was unaffected by him anymore.

And she would've succeeded, if not for the fact that his lips sent hands of pleasure forking through her senses, tingling her nerve endings.

She subconsciously found her lips responding a bit as he tried to meld his with them. Or was it consciously?

God she really needed to stop this...

His tongue emerged, sliding over her lips, begging for entrance. And in a moment where she definitely had no possession of her senses, she parted her lips, allowing his tongue to greedily slide in and blend with hers.

God, this was so wrong. She was married. She should be pushing him away.

Yet she couldn't bring herself to pull away, couldn't seem to contain the desire that lurked beneath her skin, ready to prance out at any moment.

And it would've been much easier if his kiss wasn't provoking feelings in her she thought were long dead, feelings she'd bottled up and buried. With his kiss, she felt the bottle twist open to revive those feelings.

Dismantled from the pedestal of her control, she held him by the collar, and with a violent nudge crashed him to the wall, intensifying their kiss, feeling the emotions spiraling out of her reach and replaced by momentous insanity.

He groaned with a guttural cord that grated across her nerve endings. She poured everything into the kiss; fear, anger, resentment.

Hating him for doing this to her. For threatening the control on her feelings she thought she'd honed over the years. For making her feel this way.

With their tongues still battling for dominance in the heated dance of desire, he quickly changed their position so that he had her against the wall.

A knee parted her legs even further, widening her stance, then easily sliding his thighs between her legs, he made her ride him.

Sensations detonated within her, and fire pulled in her belly, spiraling lower and lower.

Oh, God.

Pleasure tore through her just as he kissed her with all his pent-up hunger, apparently stored from nights of erotic fantasies of her. It was nothing like what she and George had.

George's kisses were much calmer and felt from the soul except if they were really in the heat of the moment. But with Zain...

She felt drunk and dizzy, and it was all she could do to keep from drowning too deep in the sea of sin, feeling breathless.

Zain finally pulled back to allow them both some air, and they breathed heavily into each other's faces as he placed his forehead on hers and looked intensely into her eyes.

His were filled with joy and satisfaction that sent a chill of fear down her spine.

He leaned down and took her lower lip into his mouth, giving it a light suck before finally pulling his head away, smiling. "I knew it, Em. I knew you still had feelings for me. I just knew it."

Stepping away from him, she moved to sit on her table, laughing hysterically to out the panic that was snapping through her veins.

She'd just given him the green card to still come after her and cause more tumult with her emotions. God, what had she done?

Needing anything to redeem herself, to turn the tables, she met his gaze, her laughter morphing into a bitter and mirthless one.

"You always knew? Ha, how confident of you. But sorry to disappoint you. You are totally wrong. I. Have. No. Feelings. For. You."

His nostrils flared adamantly as he moved closer. "You can't lie anymore, Em. I felt it in your kiss."

"Hmm, did you now?" She drawled, scrambling internally for anything that could shatter his confidence. "I can give you pretty good reasons why I kissed you back."

She met his gaze, trying hard to uphold the rest of her dignity and control. She saw the flash of fear in his eyes and counted that as an advantage.

"I just wanted you to see that I could kiss you and still look in your eyes and tell you I feel absolutely nothing for you."

"You are lying." He said, eyes darkening with warning.

"Oh am I?" she asked flippantly even while her heart careened against her ribcage when he came to stand just right in front of her. "Oh, maybe you're right. Maybe I do feel something for you; pity. Pity that you are so stupid for clinging to hope as such even after five years."

"Don't say that..." The steel in his voice had mellowed.

She picked a file on her table and began to skim through it, not bothering to look at him. "Would you rather prefer that I lie to you? Seriously Zain, there's nothing about you that catches me anymore or makes me want to jump out of my seat."

"That hurt."

"Did it now?" she asked, meeting his sad gaze with a fierce one. "Well tough luck but there is no way around the truth so I have no choice but to be brutally honest."

"You're hurting me." The hurt in his eyes was so splayed she nearly flinched, and the hint of tears she saw shimmering in them nearly undid her.

But she couldn't be weak. Not if she wanted to keep up this act. Not if she wanted to stop feeling all these uncertainties; uncertainties that scared the living daylights out of her.

She needed to fortify the fortress around her newfound control and use her words as an arsenal, guard, and weapon to murder the sinful resolve of this man whose presence was causing riots with her emotions.

There was a crude sense of déjà vu. All this felt so familiar. It was much like nine years ago when he'd been after her.

She would always fight her feelings for him and say hurtful things to him in a quest to dissuade him from pursuing her anymore.

Except for this time, she wasn't fighting to protect her heart; she was fighting to protect the happiness and stability of her family.

She pursed her lips wickedly. "You have nothing on my husband, Zain Chadwick. George, he's special and good and can get quite very very passionate."

She waited for the words to sink in before continuing. "And oh God, the things he makes me feel. He makes me feel things that you were never able to. He..."

"Stop, stop! Please stop. I. . . I don't wanna listen anymore. Please." He appealed deplorably, backing away.

Tormented by the emotions as much as he was, she grabbed him by the hand and stared coldly into his eyes. "You have to listen. You need to listen. What you and I had ended barely after it started. I now have a husband whom I love with all my heart, get that into your head and leave me the hell alone."

She caught the hint of emotion in her voice, and startled and alarmed, she quickly strengthened the grip on her composure.

The tears finally fell from his eyes, the ones he'd obviously been struggling to keep at bay, and it was all she could do to keep her eyes any drier.

Seemingly had enough of the humiliation and torment, he spun round and stormed out of the office, the pain radiating off him so much it was heart-wrenching.

As the glass door echoed shut, Emma barely held back the gurgled cry that tore from her throat at the shameful realization of the feelings she still harbored for a man who was not her husband.

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Do you think Emma did the right thing?