What If..?

Chapter Twenty-Three

|Song: Limitless-Austin James|

(A/N: So, I can't add the song because it isn't on YouTube, but it's on Soundcloud. Please listen to it. Austin James is a really sweet guy and he has good music too. Thanks!)

My mum hugs me and rubs my back as soon as she sees me. Of course, I hug her back. "If everyone would take their seats please, we have a few people wanting to say a few things about James." The reverand says into the microphone from the front of the room.

Everyone takes their seats like asked before one by one people go up to talk about James. Finally, Alex walks up on stage, and the reverand hands him the microphone. "First, I'd like to thank you all for coming to this, and I know that this is probably the last thing James would want us to do because he hated seeing his friends and family sad, but I feel like this is the best way for all of us to get closure."

The funeral service makes everything feel so much more real. I've been a lot less talkative since Alex called me, the fans have noticed I'm sure, but I can't help it. I mean, I've tried to keep up the image of the happy, care-free one they've always known of, but I can't continue acting like everything is okay at every second. Jade is missing and now James is dead. How much more can I possibly take? How can anyone still smile after going through things like this and worse?

"Now that James is gone, I don't know what to do. He was too young, too innocent for his life to be cut so short. James and I had been going to school together for several years, but he was fourteen and I was close to eighteen when we actually started talking. I shouldn't have fallen for him because everyone thought I was around him to get something out of him, but I did fall for him. No, I did not attempt to get anything out of him. Regardless of that, he gave me a happiness and a love that I had never known.

"James and I, neither of us thought that we would become what we did. We didn't just wake up one morning and decide we would be together. We struggled. He was insecure about my feelings for him, and I was unsure about myself because did not want to be the one to hurt him or be hurt myself. I fought with myself for several weeks, but somewhere along the way, I realized that his sweet smile and gentle touch could purposely hurt me.

"My words may not mean anything to anyone in this room, but if you had truly got to know James, you would understand. However, you don't understand because you didn't care to get to know him. In fact, most of the people in this room referred to him as 'stupid' and loved to watch him suffer for your own twisted enjoyment. Well, you're really going to hate this: his disabilities did not leave him disabled. He was stronger and more determined that anyone I have ever met, and I honestly believe he was way too nice for most of the people in this room. I hope you all regret the things you said to or about him, because it really makes you look like a fucking cunt."

I stand up and walk up on stage, whispering to him, "Alright, Alex, I think they get it... Let's not make this violent."

He nods and repeats his thank you to everyone who came before handing the microphone back to the reverand and following me off stage to sit back down. My mum pulls him into a hug when we sit back down and he just bursts into sobs. I have to look away.

After James' casket is burried, I hug a few family members before walking away from the grave site. I can't help but wonder if he's really in a better place like people keep saying. Is there really a heaven or a hell? Is there such thing as life after death? Or do people spend there entire lives fearing death and praising to some unknown being in hopes of something better than this? Do people waste their entire lives by refusing to do what they want because it's against their religion only to find out in the end there's nothing for them? I probably shouldn't be asking these questions, and I've probably just banished myself to hell, but I can't help it. If there is someone looking out for us, why are there such horrid people in the world?

I rub my hands over my face and loosen the tie around my neck. I want answers to these questions and so many more that are bouncing around in my head, but I know I'll only get them when I'm dead. I let out a deep breath and look around. This town hasn't changed a bit since I left.