First responder, second love

Chapter 19

God, what the hell is wrong with Evan? How could he think for one second that I would cheat on him, that I could ever hurt him like that? I love the idiot, but acting like that makes it kind of difficult. It sometimes feels like he wants to mess things up, like he wants to push me away. Why is he acting like that? I know neither of us has said the L-word, but things are getting serious, and we both feel it. Why would he want to screw that up?

I'm driving my car through the streets of LA, wondering where to go. Malia is hanging out with some girl at our apartment, and I promised her I wouldn't come home to early. Put looking at the time, I know it is. When I'm thinking about where to go, I can't help but think about going to Eddie's. And maybe that's exactly the problem. Eddie and I are getting pretty close, but just as friends. He gets me, in a way Evan would keep on trying, but wouldn't succeed. Eddie knows how it is to lose someone you love immensely, someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with. I know Evan really tries, but it's not the same.

I decide to drive up to Eddie's home anyway, to see if he has some time to talk. Something Evan forgets to do lately. He is so busy with getting back to is hold job, that he doesn't really talk about anything else anymore. Which means I didn't talk to him about what's going on in my head, and what I think I'm seeing for the last few days. I know it's sounds ridiculous, but it feels like someone is watching me. Not all the time, just sometimes. When I'm getting off work, and it's late, when I'm driving home from Evan's apartment, or when I'm driving up to meet some colleagues for a drink. So, all the moments when I'm alone at night. I'm wondering if I'm going crazy, thinking like I'm special enough for someone to be stalking me. Should I even call it stalking? And who would be stalking me? Evan doesn't know anything, and maybe that's better. He would probably think I'm crazy, just like I think about myself. But I can't help but think about that man in the ambulance that day, the patient who escaped and pushed the ambulance of the road. But why would he come back? He's never been seen since his escape. So, why would he risk it?

I drive up to Eddie's house and park the car on the side of the street. I get out of the car, and lock it. When I walk up to Eddie's door, I stop for a second. Should I just go home? But then I would interrupt Malia's night, and she really wouldn't appreciate that. Or should I just go to a bar, and get a drink by myself, well that sounds kind of pathetic. I knock on the door, and a woman opens it.

    "Hello, can I help you?" the woman asks me.
    "I was looking for Eddie," I answer, while I look at the woman.
    "You're Sammy, right? Eddie told a lot about you."
    "He did?"
    "You're dating Buck, right?" I nod my head doubtfully and the woman looks at me with a worried face. "Are you okay?"
    "I was hoping Eddie would have time to talk, but if he's too busy, I can go," I say and I'm ready to turn around.
    "Nonsense, he's reading Christopher a bedtime story. And you look like you could use a drink, and some company. Come on in." The woman smiles at me, and lets me into the house. "I'm Carla, by the way, I'm helping the boys out from time to time."
    "Nice to meet you. I'm Sammy, but you obviously know that already. And you know Evan?" Carla nods her head and a smile appears on her face.
    "We had a friend in common."
    "Abby, right?"
    "You know about Abby?"
    "He knows about my past, would be weird if I didn't let him share his." We walk up to the kitchen, and Carla makes some tea for us. I could definitely use something stronger, but I don't say anything. We take a seat at the kitchen counter, and Carla hands me my tea.
    "Eddie told me you're working at the hospital, and that you're working to be a surgeon. That's pretty impressive, and it could come in handy with Buck risking his life way too much."
    "Yeah, maybe," I say without looking at her. I know she means well, and she is probably trying to get to know me, but I'm really not in the mood. All I came here for is Eddie, my friend.
    "He finally fell asleep, seems like it's getting harder every week," I hear a familiar voice say. Eddie walks into the kitchen, and looks surprised when he sees me sitting at the counter. "Is everything okay?" he asks, worried. I try to nod my head, but Eddie just looks at me and looks right through that. "Did something happen?" he asks while he walks up to me. He takes place on the stool next to me, and waits for me to answer. I look at my tea, trying to dodge his eyes. "Sammy, did something happen between you and Buck?" I take a deep breath, and I try to find the words.
    "We had a fight, and I left. I needed to get out of there, before I would punch him, because I really felt like it."
    "Trust me, I've been there a few times myself," I hear Eddie speak.
    "Buck has a way to mess things up, but he probably didn't mean it," Carla reacts, and I look at her.
    "You don't even know what he said or did, you just defend him."
    "Carla means that Buck has a way to mess things up, without even wanting to. He doesn't think that he deserves what he has. He is really crazy about you, Sammy, and it terrifies him."
    "I'm not acting like a jerk, and I'm scared too. The feelings I have for him kind of terrify me as well, but I'm not accusing him of cheating on me," I speak frustrated.
    "He what?" Eddie reacts admittedly.
    "He accuses me of cheating on him, with you actually," I say, and for the first time since our conversation, I'm looking at Eddie. He blinks with his eyes a couple of times and stares into the room. "Eddie?" I ask, but he doesn't say a word, for a long time.

Carla decided it was time to go home, or that it was too awkward to stay. After what felt like a century, Eddie finally moved and went for the liquor, which he apparently needed.
    "You want another one?" Eddie asks after he filled his glass for the third time.
    "No, thanks, I still need to drive home."
    "You can stay. I can sleep on the couch, and you could take my bed."
    "No, I'm good, but thanks for the offer."
    "More for me than," and he puts the bottle down on the coffee table. We're sitting on the couch in the living room. It's a little after twelve, and I'm getting a little tired. It was an early morning at the hospital, and a long day. "I'm sorry for Evan's behavior," Eddie says all of a sudden.
    "Why are you apologizing for his behavior, you're not to blame. Apparently, Evan doesn't like us to hang out so much, which I don't get. I don't understand why he could ever be jealous of that. There is nothing between us, but a friendship."
    "Yeah, I don't get it either," Eddie reacts, but the look he has on his face tells something different. "Usually, I would have a talk with him, but things are a little difficult right now."
    "I know. I don't get why he putts you guys through that. I get that he wants to go back being a firefighter, but destroying his friendships, doesn't help. I tried to talk to him about it, until, until he started talking about us."
    "Well, thanks for trying," Eddie says, but he's acting a little strange. He's looking at me, but in a different way, like he has something to tell me, but he can't. He fills his glass again and throws it down right away.
    "Maybe that's enough Eddie," I say, and I take the bottle from his hand, before he can fill his glass again. I put the bottle on the coffee table, out of Eddie's reach. "Are you okay?" I ask him, and he starts to laugh. "What is so funny?" I ask surprised.
    "I should be comforting you, not the other way around."
    "Is there something you want to talk about?" I ask him, but he shakes his head.
    "I just don't get why Buck is screwing things up with you. You're pretty incredible, and he has to know that."
    "Thanks, I guess," I react, a little stunned. I have never seen Eddie drunk, but he's right up there right now. Eddie gets closer to me, and I feel things changing between us. He smiles at me, and he puts his hand on my cheek. Before I know it, I feel his lips on mine, and I feel myself trying to move away from him. I don't know what changed, what made him kiss me, but I know I have to get away from here. I push him away, and get up from the couch. I look at him still sitting down, and he looks a little freaked out.
    "Sammy, I'm so sorry, I should have never done that. I don't know what came over me. I'm so, so sorry."
    "I need to go," is all I say. I walk up to the door, and I hear Eddie's footsteps behind me.
    "Sammy, please don't go. Let me explain, let me apologize. I need to apologize."
    "Explain? I came here to talk about how my boyfriend, your best friend, accused me of cheating on him with you. And you just decide to kiss me, because that would definitely help our situation. God, what the hell is wrong with you guys? I thought we were friends."
    "Sammy, we are."
    "Why in the hell would you kiss me, then?"
    "I shouldn't have done that. I have no idea what came over me. I'm really sorry."
    "I can't stay here, not right now," I say, and walk out of the door.

I try to focus on the road, and the surrounding traffic, but my head is filling up with all kinds of thoughts. How I feel guilty about Eddie kissing me, how I'm regretting going over there, and if I should ever tell Evan about it. I know I didn't do anything wrong, so why am I feeling like this? I take a left turn, but right when I do that, I notice a car behind me. Is it me, or is this car following me?
    "Of course, not Sammy, stop acting like you're being stalked by someone, you're not that special," I say out loud. I drive past some bars. People are walking up to the entrances, ready to start their night. I drive up to an intersection, and the light turns red. I stop the car, and let the little traffic pass. I look in my mirror, where I can still see the same car. The light turns green, and I drive away. After a few minutes, I arrive at the apartment complex. I turn right, and look through my mirror, but the car is gone. "You're not being stalked, just imagining things." I drive through the entrance of the parking lot, and park the car in my spot. I turn off the motor, and get out of the car. I lock it, and I look through the empty parking lot. I hope Malia moved things to her bedroom, and I'm not interrupting things. Wouldn't be the first time.
In college, Malia was having the time of her life with all the girls she met. Back home, she never dated girls, because she was afraid of what her family might think. But at college, there was no one giving a crab about what she was doing and who she was doing it with. The only thing standing in her way, was the fact that she was sharing a room with Holly and me. After a while, we came up with a way to let the others know that you were enjoying yourself in our room, but not before I walked in on her having sex. To be exact, I walked in on her while some girl was between her legs. I didn't know how fast I could get out of there, and I totally forgot why I went to the room in the first place. I just hope that, that doesn't ever happen again, for both of us.
A smile appears on my face when I think back to that time. The time when I was madly in love with Ben, where I found my soulmates in Holly and Malia, and when I thought I had everything I needed for the rest of my life. I'm got up in my own thoughts, what makes me forget about my surroundings. Right when I'm ready to turn away from my car, two hands crab me from behind. I feel some kind of fabric on my mouth, and I try to hold my breath. I start to fight back, with the hope the person would let me go, but he doesn't. He lifts me up from the ground a little and I start to kick my legs aggressively. Even though I try really hard to hold my breath, I can't help but sniff a little. After a few seconds, I feel my body getting weaker. My eyes are getting tired, and my legs stopkicking, and before I know it, the world around me disappears.