First responder, second love

Chapter 15

I didn't sit in the gallery to watch his operation this time. Not that I didn't want to be there, and keep an eye on him the entire time. It's just that someone blocked the way. When we arrived at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, they drove him into one of the emergency rooms, and before I could go after him, someone took my hand. Alex took me away to one of the dressing rooms and told me I had to clean myself. He wasn't wrong, I was covered in Evan's blood. There were a few big stains on my shirt, and my hands were red from his blood. He put some clean cloths down on one of the benches in the room, and he told me Jo was on her way. He left the room and Jo came in to help me get cleaned up. I got into the shower and started to get rid of the blood on my hands. Neither of us spoke, we just looked at each other, and that was enough. I knew that whatever was going to happen next, she would be there for me, just like Alex would be too. It took a long time before I was ready to leave the room. Not because I wasn't clean yet, or I wasn't changed, but because I needed to pick myself up from the shower floor. It took some time to calm myself, so I could be with the people who were here for Evan, who love him and were praying for him to be alright.

Walking up to the waiting room gets harder with every step I take. I know he hasn't died, he is still alive, and nobody lost him. But all this brings me back to the moment I lost Ben, the moment I ran into the hospital and I saw my friends holding each other. Without saying a word, I knew exactly what was going on, and that my life would never be the same again. Right now, I feel the same fear I was feeling before, the fear of losing someone I care about, someone I started to love. I know it's too late for Evan and I to be more than friends. But even though he is dating Ali, I have to tell him how I feel. The moment I hear the words 'he will be alright' I will run to him. I will tell him everything I feel. I will tell him about every single butterfly in my stomach, about how I can't stop thinking about him, and how I regret not telling him earlier.

I walk up to the people in the waiting room and take a seat next to Eddie. He puts his hand on my knee, and takes my hand in his.
    "Where is Christopher?" I ask him.
    "Karen, Hen's wife, is taking care of the kids."
    "Good, they must have been really scared."
    "They will be alright Sam," Eddie says, and he squeezes my hand, and it makes me remember Evan's hand squeezing mine in the ambulance. Did he know I was with him? Did he hear my voice, telling him he wasn't allowed to leave me?
After a few minutes, Doctor Torres and Grey walk up to us. Maddie gets up, admittedly and walks to them, with Chimney by her side. I see them talk, but I do not get up from my chair. Eddie still holds my hand, and we both watch Maddie while she's talking to Torres and Grey. They walk away eventually and Maddie turns to us. I look at her face, to see if I can figure out what kind of news is coming. A little smile appears on her face, and a tear rolls down her cheek.
    "He is going to be alright," I hear her say, and the people around me react relieved. I hear Eddie take a deep breath again, after a few seconds holding his. "It's all because of you, Sammy," Maddie says with a smile on her face, and she walks up to me. She takes my hand and I get up from my seat. "If you hadn't reacted like you did, he wouldn't have made it to the hospital," I hear her say, and she wraps her arms around me. We stand there for a few seconds, holding each other closely. I hear her sobbing a little, and I feel my shirt getting wet from her tears. She eventually lets go of me and walks off to visit her brother. I stand there in the room of the hospital, saying nothing, just staring in the distance. He is not going to die, he will be alright, and I won't lose him.
    "Did I really save his life?" I ask out loud, but I already know the answer. Because I did. I knew what I was doing because that's what I learned during my residency.
Henrietta and Chimney walk up to me and they both wrap their arms around me. They thank me for saving their friend, for saving a member of their family. Bobby walks up to me and puts his hands on my shoulders.
    "Buck is lucky to have someone like you, we all are," he says, and he gives me a hug.
Bobby and Athena decide to get some food for us, and they go to the cafeteria. Henrietta and Chimney take place on two of the chairs, and Eddie is sitting next to me. But I feel my body getting restless. I get up from the chair and start to walk around. But then I realize something, I haven't seen Ali yet. She never came to the hospital. Did they forget to call her, does she even know about Evan?
    "Why is Ali not here? Has anyone called her yet?" I ask Eddie and he looks up at me.
    "She has to be here, she is his girlfriend," I say while I try to figure out a reason for her staying away. "Or is there something I don't know?" I ask Eddie.
    "They broke up well she dumped him actually," Chimney reacts before Eddie can say anything.
    "Yeah, it had something to do with Buck being a firefighter. She couldn't handle the danger it brings," Henrietta adds.
    "They broke up?" I ask surprised.
    "They did," Eddie answers.
    "They broke up," I say again, trying to let it sink in. "I have to do something," I say to them, and I walk away.
    "Finally," I hear Chimney shout behind me.

After a few minutes, I'm right where I need to be. I see Maddie sitting on the side of Evan's bed and holding his hand. I walk up to the room right when Callie Torres walks through the doorway. She sees me standing in the hall, and a subtle smile appears on her face.
    "He already asked about you, Kinsley. Don't let him wait too long," she says and she walks past me. I'm not letting him wait that long because I'm right here, ready to tell him everything. I walk up to the doorway and Evan admittedly sees me standing there. A smile appears on his face.
    "Sammy, you're here," he says, and Maddie turns her head towards me. She gets up from the bed and walks up to the doorway.
    "I will let you two talk," she says, and she leaves the room. I stay frozen in the doorway, and just look at Evan, lying in the hospital bed.
    "What happened? Did they tell you what caused this?"
    "I don't know," he says. I look at Evan's face, but I don't believe him. There is something he doesn't want to tell me, something he doesn't want me to know. So, I step into the room and take his chart from his bed. I look through them, and then I see it.
    "Do you care about your own life?" I ask him straight. He looks at me surprised, but doesn't answer my question. "Because it says here that the cause of you vomiting your own blood was blood clots. Something that would have given some warning signs. So, did you have any?"
    "I already went over this with Maddie. She already gave me a speech about how I need to take better care of myself," Evan tells me.
    "And you think she's wrong, telling you that?"
    "No, of course not," Evan reacts admittedly. "But everyone needs to stop worrying about me, I'm alright."
    "After you almost choked on your own blood. I had to gut into you, Evan."
    "You did what?" he asked, stunned.
    "Yes, I had to gut into the side of your chest, so you could breathe again."
    "I didn't know that," he says.
    "Of course not because you were lying on the table unconscious."
    "I'm so sorry, Sammy," he says, and I know he means it. But sorry isn't enough, he needs to care more about his own life.
    "You can't do something like this again, you can't die on me, you got that," I say compellingly. Evan just looks at me with his handsome face, with the face I want to kiss so badly. "God, I'm really mad at you for this. You could have died, Evan; you could have died." I can't stop moving around and keep walking from one side from the room to the other. "You can't do this again, Evan because I don't know if I could save your life again. You saved mine, I saved yours, so we're even now," I tell him and I look for a second at Evan who is trying to get out of his bed. "What the hell are you doing?"
    "It's clear to me that someone needs to hold you, so if you could give me a minute," he says like he isn't in any pain.
    "Please stay in bed," I say.
    "But you need...," he starts, but before he can finish, I get up to him and push him back on the bed. I put the covers over his legs again, and before I can stand up from the bed, Evan takes my hand. I look up at him and I feel a little smile appear on my face. The butterflies in my stomach are waking up again, and are starting to fly around, chasing each other. Evan's hand reaches my face, and he takes hold of my head. I feel his thumb on my cheek, and every fiber of my skin is going crazy. "Ali and I aren't together anymore. I wanted to tell you that, the last time we spoke," he starts telling me.
    "But I wouldn't give you a chance."
    "No, you didn't, actually. But I get it, Sammy. I know I was too fast, and that I should have given you some more time. It's just, I just thought that I could never be enough for you."
    "Why would you ever think that?" I ask surprised.
    "Guess you don't know how amazing you are. You're so incredibly smart, you're kind, funny, and you're so damn beautiful. I guess I got a little scared."
    "Scared of me?"
    "Scared of how much I could love you," he says, and my whole body is going crazy right at that moment. I refuse to wait a second longer. I lean towards him and wrap my arms around his neck. My lips touch his, and I feel his mouth moving. I open mine and I taste his tong. His arms find their place on my hips, and I feel the temperature rising. For a few minutes, we're the only people in the hospital. The world around us got put on hold. After so many months acting like we were just friends, we finally spoke the truth. Our lips are colliding again, and the impact takes my breath away.