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Chapter 12

May oras na excited ako sa darating na sabado, pero mas madalas na parang inaatake ako ng panic attack thinking na magdidinner kami ni Kade na kami lang. Ilang beses naman na kaming kumain na kami lang lately, and every time ay hindi ko pa rin alam kung paano ko iyon na survive.

The last one being when I cried because he asked Mr. Bacani's secretary to come and wait for him at his villa. It was just too painful. Nakaya ko naman 'yung past times na nalalaman ko na lang na may dini-date sya, even when he got engaged! I already conditioned myself about it.

Pero nag hiwalay sila and he dated other women after that.

I adjusted again. Hindi ako umaasa, never ako umasa. But I really like it when I know he's not taken or dating someone. Magaan sa loob ko. Parang kahit papaano ay reachable sya in a way.

And this... thank you dinner isn't a date or anything.

Pero kinakabahan pa rin ako.

Well, may bago pa ba doon?

Kailan ba ako hindi kinabahan at nawala sa sarili whenever he's there?

Damn it. Wala naman akong magawa. Naisip ko minsan na magpa consult sa psychologist dahil baka naman may problema na ako or something pero nakakahiya kasi ganoon ang symptoms ko and it's because of that one-person pa. Clearly, I have feelings for him. It's a fact. I just want to manage the feeling of always being overwhelmed and nervous whenever he's nearby.

Tumawag si Grace, ang kapatid kong sumunod sa akin. She asked me again kung sigurado daw ba ako na hindi makaka sama sa kanila sa Hong Kong next month. Magpapa book na kasi sya ng trip sa agency ng kaibigan nya. She already opened about it a few weeks before and I already told her na malamang ay hindi ako maka sama.

I'd love to come, pero four to five days ang plano nila na mag stay doon and I cannot leave work for that long. Sagad na siguro ang two days but five days? I told them to just enjoy. Nag dagdag na rin ako para sa extra money nila. I want my parents to buy or experience anything they want to do while they're there.

When we were young, my father was a good provider. Mataas ang position nya sa isang international company. Lahat kaming magkakapatid ay nag-aral sa maayos na eskwelahan. Financially, we are good because our father is a good provider. Our mother is a housewife, pero since mahilig sya sa mga alahas, naging sideline nya na mag benta ng alahas while she's at home. Nakadagdag iyon sa pagiging financially stable ng family namin.

Five years ago, nag retire si daddy and dalawa na kaming nagtatrabaho noon ni Grace. Si Yuri naman, ang nag-iisang lalaki sa aming magkakapatid ay pa graduate na that time. My father received a large amount of money after retirement. He said he wants to put up a business but, in the end, nag invest na lang muna sya sa farm business ng kapatid nya na si Tita Nina.

So far, sa limang taon since they started, stable naman iyon at kumikita. The farm is located on another town from our house at pumupunta punta lang sila mommy at daddy doon to check. Lumago na ang ininvest ni daddy tapos may pa syang pera sa bank. Shows how good he is with money.

Naisip ko nga na bumili rin ng lupa sa amin at tsaka ko na iisipin kung anong gagawin ko doon. May mga commercial spaces nang pinapatayo doon.

After the call, I continued finishing my tasks.

Plano ko na magpa masahe dahil masakit ang katawan ko. Pakiramdam ko ay dahil kaka upo ito sa office. Kapag focus talaga ako sa trabaho ay namamalayan ko na lang na ilang oras na pala akong hindi nakaupo ng maayos.

I went to the pantry to get some snacks and coffee.

While on the way back to my office ay nahagip ng mga mata ko ang pag open ng elevator doors at namukhaan ko agad si Doctor Danro Gomez. I froze for a second bago nag swirl sa utak ko na baka may nangyari na naman kaya nandito sya.