The Outtakes

Xavier and Liz: Something to cling to

Xavier ran a hand through his shaggy hair as he made his way down the hallway. He hated having to spend so much time in the library during break periods, but he still had homework to do, and lessons to catch up on. Lily was right. If he kept skipping classes, he was going to fail. He'd have to thank her again for making sure he got notes from all the lessons he missed.

When he stepped into the library, he was thankful for the silence. It seemed to be the only solace his mind could find. Pure silence . . . it seemed to make it easier for him not to think. Funny, how people always claimed that thoughts were louder in the silence. For Xavier . . . maybe he was just different. After all, his siblings had been telling him that for years.

He chose a secluded and empty table, and dropped his things onto the floor. Then he dug out some parchment, ink, and a quill. Lastly, he pulled out his textbook, and began on his essay for Charms.

Xavier was part way into his essay when he heard the scraping of a nearby chair. He jumped, and looked up in surprise. A girl was sitting at his table. It took Xavier a moment to recognize the girl as Liz West, a Slytherin girl a year below him. He'd never talked to her much, but he knew of her.

Liz noticed his stare as she dug through her bag. "Oh, sorry. I just needed to sit at a different table. I can only handle seeing my friend's lips glued to her boyfriend's for so long," she told him. "Do you mind?"

Xavier shook his head, moving his eyes back to his essay. "No, it's ok," he mumbled.

He was glad that Liz said nothing else, and soon all he heard from her was a few page turns, and the occasional scratch from a quill.

When Xavier finished his essay for Charms, he rolled it up, and then grabbed more parchment to start his Transfiguration essay. He was beginning to hate sixth year. It was off to a shitty start.

He felt a feathery touch on his arm. He flinched, and looked up to see that Liz had moved to tap him with her quill. "Hey, I don't mean to bother you, but do you know where the moon Io is?" she asked.

Xavier sighed as he reached for her star map, and pulled it toward him. Then he made a quick circle, and pushed it back to her. "It's right there," he mumbled.

"Thanks," Liz said with a brief smile.

Xavier just looked back at his essay, until he felt something hard hit the top of his head with a 'thump.' "Ouch!" he complained, quickly looking up to see Liz with her book in her hand, and an annoyed look on her face. "What was that for?" he demanded.

"I said 'thank you' so the polite thing to do would be to say 'you're welcome, Liz' back," Liz said dryly.

Xavier gave her a confused look. "What?"

"I'm a living being. I deserve respect," Liz retorted. "And since I'm a girl, that includes manners. So don't be an ass."

Xavier raised his brow, and set down his quill. "You're an odd girl," he commented.

Liz rolled her eyes as she dropped her book on her table. "I didn't know that demanding manners from a guy made me odd."

"Well most girls aren't so forceful about it," Xavier replied.

"And those girls are complete pushovers, and I refuse to be that," Liz told him.

Xavier was surprised when he actually grinned, but he couldn't help but do it. "Well, you're welcome, Liz."

"That's better," Liz said, a sly smile surfacing. "So, may I assume that something's wrong, or should I believe that you've always lacked manners?"

Xavier sighed as memories came back, and he looked back at the paper in front of him. "I don't want to talk about it," he whispered.

"I didn't ask you to talk about it. I just asked if there was something wrong," Liz pointed out.

"Well fine. Yes. There is something wrong, but I don't want to talk about," Xavier insisted.

"I didn't ask you to," Liz replied as she began to draw something on her star map. She glanced over at Xavier, then sighed. "But are you ok? And I'm not asking you to talk about it!"

Xavier ran a hand through his hair, his mind feeling numb. "Why does it matter?" he muttered.

"Because I have a heart, so I care about other people. And you're a nice guy. You don't deserve to hurt," Liz explained. "So, are you ok?"

Xavier scoffed. "You learn in life that it doesn't matter whether or not you deserve to hurt. Sometimes life just throws it at you."

"Are you?" Liz repeated.

Xavier looked up at her. Although he hardly really knew Liz, and vice versa, he could still see the concern in her eyes. "No," he finally admitted. "I'm not ok."

Liz rested her cheek on her fist as she looked at him. "Again, I'm not asking. But I will tell you that I'll listen if you want."

Xavier chuckled as he rubbed at his eyes. This girl was reminding him a bit too much of Lily. "I'm not up for talking about it."

"They say it helps."

"To bring up and remember the pain?"

"At this point can it get any worse?"

"It still hurts too much."

Liz didn't respond this time, but stared at him for a moment. Xavier didn't move under her scrutiny, waiting to hear what she would say. But when she did speak, it was soft and certain. "Someone broke your heart."

Her certainty, and the memory, sent a shiver down Xavier's spine. Then a pang hit his chest, making it feel tight. He gulped roughly. "Yes. Someone did." He pulled in a breath. "But how would you know that?"

Liz sighed as she began to roll up her star map. "Because I know that look, I've heard that pained voice, and I've listened to words like that before." Then she began packing her things back into her bag.

Xavier scowled with thought. "What?"

Liz glanced over at him, and then continued to put things away. "My parents got divorced when I was little. Well . . . more like my mum ran out on us. Left my dad with five kids, and left him alone. And I may have been young, and I may not have understood what happened and why, but I did understand the pain my father went through. I saw it every time I looked at him. And I heard it whenever he spoke. His pain hurt me more than the sudden disappearance of my mother. And it's something I'll never forget."

Xavier looked at the girl in surprise. She spoke softly and honestly. But at the pain she mentioned, Xavier was surprised by the casual look on her face. But she was standing up, pulling her bag over her shoulder, and was beginning to leave.

Quickly, Xavier grabbed her wrist, feeling as if he really might have something to cling to. "Wait!" he whispered quickly.

Liz stopped and turned to look at him. "What is it?"

Xavier gulped again. "How did you ever get over it? The pain you felt? How could you ever get past something that hurts so badly?"

Liz's eyes softened at his question. Then she maneuvered her wrist so that he was instead gripping her hand. She gave it a small but comforting squeeze. "I'll make you a deal. I'll talk to you about my pain, when you're ready to talk about yours. Because if you're not ready to talk about it, you won't be ready to hear what I have to say." Then she dropped his hand, and headed for the exit.

Xavier closed his eyes. "What am I supposed to do until then?" he asked, mostly to himself. But Liz must have heard him, because he heard her say one more thing before she left.

"Suck it up."

Xavier turned to see her back just as she left, then he turned to look forward. Something bubbled in his throat, and before he could stop it, a laugh came past his lips. The first laugh he'd had in what felt like forever to him. And something else welled up inside him, making attempts to reach his heart.

Hope.