Spearing the Siren

TWENTY-THREE

      Ingrid tried to focus on the learning book she'd read from cover to cover twice when the flap swept back. She looked up at Krampus as he squeezed inside, sitting on his haunches, looking at her thoughtfully. She put the bookmark in the book.
      "Where is he?"
      "Getting some water from the pool."
      She looked down. "I didn't want to interrupt your time together..."
     "A part of me thought you would be gathering your things together to leave with him."
      She stared at him before she gave him a resigned look.
      "There is nothing like that between us now. I fixed that," she said in a softer tone as she looked down at the book. He scooted closer to her on her bed and she immediately rested her head on his chest. His hand gently touched her head and ear.
      "There is still something between you," he said softly, as though he didn't want to say it out loud.
      "Maybe he'll allow a friendship, like we were before...but I'm just glad we aren't fighting. I told him about why I acted the way I did...he seems to understand but I don't know if he'll forgive."
      "My little satyr is ever-forgiving," he said in a soft voice bordering on defensive and it melted her heart. She tightened an arm around him.
      "I know, love. But I hurt him. I don't know if he can be with me again after that. And you forget I have this gorgeous beast right here."
      He grunted. "I'm old, Ingrid."
      She laughed. "Lillevenn is no spring chicken! Everyone I meet is older than me."
      He kissed her temple. "I just want you to be the happiest you can be."
     "I have been, the last few days. You make me happy, Krampus." He remained quiet. "You've taught me so much, you do everyday. About myself, you give me the courage to look at parts of myself that shamed me."
      "I've done all that?"
      "Yes. Plus, the sex is astronomical."
      He pinched her and she laughed. She looked up at him with mischievous eyes and he gave her a soft look, touching her jaw with one of those beautifully rough hands. She raised a provocative eyebrow. He grunted.
      "Lillevenn is here—"
      "He's at the pool—"
       He chuckled and she smiled, not pressing the issue.
      "My naughty little elf," he whispered, leaning down to give her a soft kiss. She squeezed one of his large, calloused hands.

      They sat down to a proper breakfast, Krampus and Ingrid with deer portions, one cooked and one not, and Lillevenn with his berries and edible bark that seemed to content him. Krampus assured him he would have more of a variety when he returned and his obvious desire to please his child warmed her. She saw some of herself in it, especially after she'd first met Lillevenn, and tried to provide what she could to meet his dietary requirements. That seemed so far away now. Before she'd screwed up so unequivocally.
      "You're quiet."
      She looked up into Lillevenn's intelligent, observant moss-green eyes, Krampus having disappeared into the forest. She gave him a hesitant look, uncertain if she wanted to tell him her thoughts, but didn't want to lie either. He looked down at his empty bowl.
      "I'm sitting here wondering if I've lost my closest friend." She scolded herself for demoting him so thoughtlessly in her statement. He raised strong green eyes to her.
      "You'll never lose that."
      She looked down, fidgeting. "I don't want to ruin the ambience between the three of us...."
      "Honesty only ruins illusions, Ingrid."
      She gave him a warm look. "Krampus would say something like that."
      His serious gaze remained focused on her and she wondered his thoughts.
      "Whatever has happened between us, you'll always be like a sister to me, Ingrid."
      Her gaze gentled, hating the tears that filled her eyes.
      "Even after I was so terrible?"
      "You were confused...I understand that now."
      "Do you forgive me?" she asked forcefully.     Those eyes studied her.
      "That depends on what form you're expecting that forgiveness to take."
      She looked down at her hands.
     "I've messed up too much. The most I can hope for is friendship."
      She looked up at his silence, his intent gaze on her. She opened her mouth to ask him about it when Krampus came from the trees. He leaned down and took their empty bowls, putting them in a crate to wash out later. Lillevenn rose, brushing crumbs from his pants, turning to face his father, his hands in the pockets of his jacket.
Krampus gave him a hesitant look.
      "I'd planned to go get some more logs for the cabin."
      Lillevenn raised an eyebrow.
      "Cabin is it now?"
      "Well, I'm going to need room for when you want to come visit. I suppose I couldn't rough it forever."
      "Do you want my help?"
      His father gave him a fond, tolerant look.
      "I don't think it's your forte."
      Lillevenn exhaled. "Thank the gods."
      Krampus smiled. "Stay here and visit."
      He turned and returned to the trees, Ingrid looking at him with resignation. Lillevenn turned toward her and she gave him a hopeless look.
      "Sorry, he's..."
      "Trying to throw us together? I caught that."
      "You don't have to stay here. If he's starting a new tree, it will take a few hours."
      She turned and ducked inside the tree space before he could respond. She settled on her bed, scolding herself for being so nervous being alone with him after being together for close to a year. When the flap opened, she'd hoped Krampus had come back for something. When Lillevenn's smooth, handsome face appeared into the opening, she stifled a groan. He slid inside, sitting on his father's bed.
      Lillevenn's gaze fell on her with characteristic intensity and she gave him a resigned look.
      "I'm not sure you should be in here."
      Rather than calling her on her rudeness, his eyes intensified further, and she realized after the fact what her statement suggested. Why don't you ever think before you speak?
      "Come here," he said in a quiet command that unfortunately worked on all the right places. She obeyed quicker than her conscience preferred, settling next to him. Eventually, she looked up into his serious gaze, telling herself she shouldn't enjoy it being focused on her. "What do you want?"
      She looked down, embarrassed at whatever he could see in her eyes. He tilted her face up to meet his gaze and she gave him a look of dread. His hand didn't leave her face and she wished it would. He bent his head and kissed her softly. Her body reacted before her brain, as usual, wrapping her arms around his neck, returning his kiss enthusiastically, inadvertently pushing him back. She felt one of his antlers hit the trunk wall and she leaned back.
      "Ow," he said, but with a smile in his eyes that lifted a weight from her heart. She leaned back, wringing her hands.
      "Why did you do that? You know I have no self-control..."
      He sat up, the smile still in his eyes that distracted her something fierce.
      "I guess I know what you want now."
      Ingrid looked away, her face feeling hot. His hand on her face turned it toward him again and she gave him a frustrated look.
      "I thought we were doing the friends thing."
      "I believe that was a suggestion." Ingrid grunted a laugh and the smile softened in his eyes. "Do you still want to be with me, Ingrid, or just your body?"
      She gave him a scolding look. "Lillevenn!"
     He waved a hand. "He's fine."
     She laughed before she could stop herself.
      "Lil, you're terrible!"
      He gave her a charming smile and gods help her, she'd missed it.
      "You know he assumes we're going to get back together while he's gone. That's why he left."
      She frowned at him sullenly. "I love your father, Lillevenn." The words surprised her, but she knew they were true. His eyes turned curious.
     "Do you?" She looked down at her lap. "Is it the love for a father or a partner?"
      She stared at him with burning cheeks.
      "Don't ask that, Lillevenn. I can't hurt him like this..."
      His gaze gentled. "He would only be hurt if you weren't with him for him."
      She stared at him in horror and he chuckled.
      "We've had sex, Lillevenn!" she fired, and he outright laughed. "Several times!"
      He gave her a naughty smile. "I am certain."
      "What is this? I didn't think you would ever...not again. Not after..."
      "Let's leave me out of it for a second. I want to know what you feel isn't some desire for a father..."
      She stared at him. "You're testing me!"
      He smiled. "Do you find that offensive?" She huffed before giving him a scolding look, knowing she found very little about him offensive. He looked down, smoothing his pants. "I need to make sure neither of you will be hurt by this in the long run."
      "Your Hel is showing."
      He went rigid and stared at her but she wouldn't take it back or look away from him. He nodded.
      "That's probably fair. She did raise me."
      She took a breath, looking down.
      "That was a terrible thing to say."
      "But you said it, and you didn't apologize. I'm proud of you."
      She gave him a mixed look. "I don't think your father needs you to take care of him, Lil."
      He nodded. "I know. But it's not just him."
      "I don't think I'm good for you, Lillevenn. I always say the wrong things, do the wrong things..."
      He gave her a look she couldn't read.
      "We're talking about you and my father."
      "He's amazing and yes I love him, who wouldn't?"
      "Most. His appearance can put people off—"
      She waved a hand. "I'm Dokkalfr. I love all the things other people are scared of."
      He nodded. "I can see that. Which is why I think you're the ideal partner for him. But I want to make sure this is real for you. If it's just sex, you need to be honest with him about that. Can you not imagine why I would want to protect him?"
      Her gaze softened. "Yes."
      "I just want you to be honest with yourself, sweetheart, with him, like you couldn't be with me."
      A myriad of emotions ran through her as she looked at him, her first lover, her first glamour, her first love, first everything. His hand touched her cheek but she wasn't looking away this time.
      "You know I want you to be happy..."
      Despite how she wanted to convince him of that fact, her eyes filled with tears. She squeezed her eyes shut, lowering her head.
      "I'm so so sorry..."
      He brought her into his arms and a brief sob escaped her as she held onto him, pressing her cheek into his shoulder, taking in his scent she hadn't realized she'd missed until now. It wasn't heady like his father's but sweet and light, like the edible bark she liked so much...his hand smoothed her hair just like his father would do.
      "Hush now," he said in a comforting voice that definitely reminded her of his father. "No more apologies. You haven't had it that easy."
      "Neither have you. I'm sorry I'm so messed up..."
      "We're all messed up, Ingrid. We're all trying to balance our desires with our experiences. I know your heart, and I know you wouldn't want to hurt anyone, unless they deserved it. What happened in the past is just that, in the past. I don't want you to stay there. We both reacted out of our experience. I was still healing emotionally and you were having a crisis of your own. Let's just move on."
      "He said, 'My little satyr is ever-forgiving.' The way he said it...sometimes when he talks about you, I can't comprehend how someone could love another person like that. Maybe you're right. Maybe I see the father in him and I want some of it. I love the way he teaches me...but it's not just about that, Lillevenn. Sexually, I've embraced parts of myself with him not even my time with Loridian could do. It was about dominance, taking what I wanted, aggression...with Krampus, it's like a gentle acceptance of the things I tried to be with him. I don't know if I'm making any sense..."
      His hand on her back calmed her.
      "You're making perfect sense, rosebud."
      Her heart filled with warmth at the moniker. Her arms tightened around him, resting her head on his shoulder, like she used to, so many nights on the Freyja.
      "And I'm guessing you want me too."
      She groaned and he laughed, making her smile.
      "A draugr would want you."
      He chuckled and she leaned back to smile up into his eyes. His eyes turned soft as they looked down at her, and it almost made her cry again, because she didn't think he'd look at her like that again. His hand covered her cheek.
      "No more looking into the past, rosebud. We go forward from this moment."
      "I love you, Lillevenn."
      The fondness in his eyes took on intensity.
      "And I love you, rosebud, more than you know."
      Her heart ached at these words, but she'd known they were true before this moment. He gave her a gentle kiss and she let it remain that, cherishing his love more than she could ever put into words.