Before we drown | ✓

ten | want to stay

— October, 2012

       Night is getting stronger with each blue hue & a pale moon like a lonely sentiment is lying on the infinity of black diamonds. A woman is laughing with her daughters & showing her pearly white teeth.

      One, two, three — there you go! With fresh muds, a tool of digging out; to sprout a new flower. And one day, these seeds will grow as taller, higher, proud gleams! The mother says with an enthusiastic glint. Suddenly the night & day; blends together like the mixture of crimson flags dying on the blue haphazard.

     "Okay, I'm going! Take care!"

    The oldest daughter takes a longer gaze in the fading shadows.

     Misty fogs are blurring the vision now, the mother's trying her best to steer the wheels. She pulls hard, suddenly it collides— only a loud scream follows behind!


      Elan jerks back into reality. It's just a dream, she thought. At least, she knew exactly what happened. A little drop of sweat fell on her forehead, she wiped it with her back of hands. Edward, her cat— is sleeping beside her in the basket. It's still night, little dim lights are flickering on the side wall.

      Without finding any alternatives to sleep, she gets up. "Maybe, hot chocolate will work!" She thinks, without wasting any other seconds— she dashed off in the kitchen.

     Just as she picks a dark chocolate from the fridge— she feels another presence there. She closes the fridge door, sees her step-father is leaning on the counter now. "Can't sleep?" he asks while trimming his glasses.

     She nods & carries on with her making hot chocolate, meanwhile Nathan takes a pot to boil water— for coffee. Nathan has been here for two days now, ever since he came back from the city, they hardly pass words less than few more.

      Elan was about to leave with her hot chocolate, Nathan put her on a halt by saying, "Will you give me a few minutes?"

      There's no reason to not to, Elan gives an encouraging smile. Now, they both are sitting on the porch. A silver-clawed cradle is swinging gently with the bizarre wind. It's been cool, the stars are stretching politely on the grey sky, sometimes they're glistening with white pallets.

    "I hope you're not angry with us. Your grandparents want the best for you," Nathan finally broke the ice. Elan's gazing is broken now. "Why should I be? You're giving me everything even if I'm not your biological daughter," Elan says while brushing her fingers on the little quitches.

      It's true, Nathan is doing everything for her even after the death of her mother & sister. Yes, their bond has been distant but shouldn't be her mother blamed for this? If only she wouldn't have gone out that night with her sister. . .

     Nathan shakes his head, "You're my daughter. I've whole-heartedly accepted you after the adoption."

     Elan scoffs on that silently. Too kind will only bring disaster for people. "I know, you're really generous. Mom didn't deserve you dad," she adds.

    A warm feeling squished in his heart hearing that word. "Don't say that! We were adults, and were aware of our surroundings. Perhaps, the fault was in me, I couldn't amend her broken pieces. I should've been there with her," He replies back with almost teary eyes. 

    "You've already done enough. More than anything—precisely mom should be thankful to you. It doesn't work from one way, it's always about both sides. I know, maybe that's the reason maybe we haven't been open with each other after her demise," She whimsically responded.

     Nathan feels guilty for his short notice in her life til' now, "I'm sorry, Elan. I know, I should have been there for you, believe me— your grandma & grandpa want the wellbeing of their only grand-daughter."

    Elan knew very well the reason behind them; yes she's been rocky path with them but she did notice their affectionate glances —like those little moments— when they made breakfast for her, always awake in her exams with her at long night, or even a woven sweater — aren't these are gesture of showing love & care?

      Yet it's high time, this time she's to follow her heart while it's hammering — remembering Evan's last words.

     "I know they love me but—" she takes a deep breath and says with a laced desperation, "I want to stay here. I know, I've always meant to be here!" 

. . .