After Alice

Chapter 51: The Gift

The next morning, Mims burst into Liv's hospital room with a cheery smile and an old shoebox in her arms. At first, Liv couldn't place where she had seen the box before, but then she recalled opening it up in the bus station bathroom. In the tumultuous events that followed, she had pushed her grandmother's letters out of her mind. Now, she felt a mixture of curiosity and dread at the sight of the box.

Mims, noticing Liv's wide-eyed look, slowed down and cautiously approached the bedside. She sat down and smoothed the top with her fingers. "You had these letters when you ran away, but you didn't have time to read them all. Here they are. They're yours."

Liv reached out her hand to touch the box but hesitated to open it.

Why haven't you read them yet? She wrote in her notepad.

Mims stared at Liv's question and then looked out the window. "My mother and I made peace before she died, and I didn't want to intrude on that process for my sister. Even after Mary Ellen's death, I couldn't bring myself to open these letters. They just reminded me of how I didn't uphold my mother's last wish." Mims's voice cracked.

In Liv's eyes, the box changed into a casket. Goosebumps raised along her body.

Mims looked at the box like she was about to say goodbye to a loved one forever. After several seconds, she said, "When you ran away and ended up in this hospital, I had a horrible feeling of déjà vu. I saw you had the same pain my mother and sister suffered from. I didn't tell you everything that I knew. And then, when you didn't get answers from me, you turned to that monster of a man..." Mims's voice broke off and she choked on tears.

Mr. C is not a monster, Liv thought, but she didn't react because she was relishing Mims's confession.

Mims took a deep, shuttering breath and continued. "I let you fall into the wrong person's hands. Something I never wanted to do. I was supposed to be your guardian, and I almost lost you for good."

Liv shook her head no. She needed less protection from Mims, and more honesty. Still, Mims was trying. Liv reached out and put her hand on top of her adoptive mother's. Mims strained to smile through her tears.

"Are you ready to read the letters?" Mims said.

Liv nodded yes. She opened the lid and Liv tipped it to look inside at the letters nestled there, yellow and some speckled with brown. Each of them had Mary Ellen Rigley written in cursive on the fronts.

"Your grandmother would have loved you," Mims said. "You're so much like her."

Liv stretched her lips to smile and mumbled "Thanks" through her wired teeth.

"Well, I feel like I should give you some space to read these. Maybe I'll go down to the cafeteria for a little while. Do you want anything?"

Liv shook her head and patted the bed next to her. Then she wrote in her notebook, Can you stay and read them to me?

Mims looked at her with surprise, then she leaned over and smoothed the hair on Liv's forehead. "Of course, I would love to."

Mims picked up the first letter that was already opened. "Shall I start from the beginning?"

Liv nodded "yes" and leaned back on her pillow, closing her eyes.

Dear Mary Ellen,

The last time I saw you, you had no hair, and your eyes were greenish blue with flecks of brown...

Liv's skin prickled. The words from the past entangled her again like a fishing line. She cringed over Alice's shame about her past, and it made her wonder, how much regret will I carry forward? She saw herself in a continuous river of guilt flowing through the generations. Will there ever be an end to it?