I'm so fucking pathetic. I can't do anything right. All you do is bring people down and make them upset.
Mari is right, you should just be happy because people have it worse. John is right "just be happy." Why can't you fucking be happy? Why do you need to fuck up every second of every day?
You don't deserve people to love you because once they love you, you just make them sad.
You should OD because that's the easiest way to die and even if that didn't work, at least you'd be at the hospital, at least you wouldn't be here, like this. All you do is go in circles. Over and over. Cycles. You can't focus.
Your body doesn't even move the way you want. My body won't move when I want it to and I hate it. I hate everything. I fucked up. I always fuck up. If I'm good for a little while, it's just a matter of time before I fuck up again. Until you're a weak little anxious mess again and can't do anything. Weakness. Selfish. You're so selfish. All you are is a burden. A parasite. Parasite. Failure. You fucking bitch. You're a plague, a waste of oxygen and money and time.
Either get better or just leave. You're in limbo and you're too weak to leave. You left once, twice, and here you are crawling back. Crawling back to hell because you're too pathetic to stay away.
2-24-23
YOU ARE READING
Afternoon Thoughts
Non-Fictionメ Thoughts of a bleeding mind. Sometimes, the darkest thoughts swirl to become the most beautiful dance when woven into words. To write calms me. Perhaps someone will know these feelings.
