"Okay." He said then put it in the freezer. "We have to leave kinda early tomorrow, so I'm gonna try and get some rest." Colby said as I nodded and stood up.
I turned to go towards the bedroom while he ran his fingers through his hair, a look of exhaustion on his face.
"Goodnight, sweetheart." He said then came over and kissed my cheek. "Goodnight." I whispered then turned to go towards the bedroom.
I walked a few steps before biting my lip and turning to face Colby again.
"Colby?" I asked causing him to look up. "What's up?" He asked as I shifted uncomfortably. "Will you...will you lay with me?" I asked as a smile formed on his lips.
"Only if you're okay with it." He said as I nodded then turned to go into the bedroom.
Colby and I have slept in the same bed since everything happened but it was usually after I had a nightmare and he would help me fall back asleep.
It was a huge step for me to ask him to start the night with me.
When we got to the bedroom, I crawled into bed, feeling my hands shaking slightly.
"Is it okay if I take my shirt off?" Colby asked as I nodded, laying back. I watched he took his shirt off. He was carefully watching me to make sure it was okay.
It made my heart swell seeing how gentle he was being.
Once his shirt was off he got into bed and laid back.
I sniffled then turned face him, watching as he sighed and scrubbed his face. I knew he must have had a rough day but I didn't want to step out of line by asking.
Colby sighed then pulled his hands back before turning towards me.
"Hey." He said quietly, reaching forward to brush my hair behind my ear. "How are you feeling?" He asked as I sighed.
"Head hurts." I mumbled as he frowned. "Do you feel a seizure coming on?" He asked as I nodded.
I didn't feel it immediately but I knew one was coming from how shaky I was.
"Okay, just let it happen. I'll keep you safe." He said as I nodded, closing my eyes.
It only took a couple minutes for it to come, my eyes rolling back in my head.
When I came back to it, Colby was scratching my back gently, holding me close to his chest.
"You're okay, darling. You're okay." He hummed as I whimpered, trying shake the sick feeling I had.
I took a deep breath then hid my face in his chest. I was trying to combat the sickness I was feeling but after a while I knew I needed to go throw up.
I pulled away from Colby, then went towards the bathroom. I hardly made it before I was throwing up into the toilet.
"Im so sorry." Colby whispered as he came in and held my hair back. I didn't know what to say so I just cried, holding my stomach as another wave of nausea hit me.
I ended up throwing up until my body was so exhausted that I couldn't move.
"I've got you." Colby whispered, pulling me into his arms. He carried me back to bed and laid me down. I was so exhausted that I couldn't even think about being anxious.
I just let Colby hold me, comforting me as I drifted off to sleep.
For the first time in a long time, I had no dreams. My nightmares weren't haunting me, and I felt safe.
"Jules." Colby whispered, gently shaking my shoulder. I bolted up, gasping as fear coursed through my veins.
"Sorry! Shit, I'm sorry." Colby said as I shook my head, putting my hand on my chest.
"We have to get going. I packed everything for you so we just have to get you to the car." He said as I nodded and got out of bed.
I was really scared to be leaving the apartment, but I was terrified of leaving the state.
What if Colby got shot and killed while we were driving and they took me away again?
What if I went on another killing rampage?
I couldn't believe I went crazy and killed my own father.
I remember feeling numb as I continually shot him, even after I knew he was dead. I was just so afraid of him that I needed to make sure he was gone.
"Hey." Colby said as he wiped a tear from my cheek that I didn't know had fallen. I was just so emotional, but was bottling everything up.
I was scared I would crack again.
"What's going on? You know you can talk to me." Colby said as I shook my head. "Nothing." I mumbled then went towards the bathroom.
I brushed my teeth then washed my face, trying to ground myself since today was going to be hard.
I was trying to ignore the fact that I was pregnant because it hurt to think about. It wasn't fair to the baby in me that I didn't want it.
The situation itself was just so fucked.
If the child was Colby's, then I would be okay with it. It was a child created by love, not abuse.
The chances of it being his was almost zero though.
"Ready?" Colby asked as I nodded, bundling the sleeves of the hoodie I was wearing into the palms of my hands.
"I want you to know that I'm going to be with you and supporting you every step of the way." Colby said and came over to me, putting his hands on both sides of my face and staring into my eyes.
"I'm scared." I whispered causing his face to fall slightly. "I know. You're strong and brave and I'm proud of you. I know how hard it's been." He said then leaned forwards and kissed my forehead.
I was proud of myself for not flinching at the action or feeling any sort of fear when he did that.
It was a small step towards recovery but I truly felt safe around Colby.
He was going through just as much as I was and I was grateful for how gentle and cautious he was being.
I knew it must have been hard for him because he loved me and wanted me to feel safe and better.
We were slowly getting there though, just one step at a time.
