Does it almost feel like nothing changed at all?

Hard To Explain

It's so hard to explain

With your heart in a cage

Only whisper but you wanna shout

'Cause the second you wake

Too much pressure to take

Every part of you wants to cry out

***

"I'm gonna lead them away. Stay here. You'll only slow me down."

"What?" Donnie wants to scream at him for such an idoitic suggestion, but he can barely breathe. "That's- terrible idea. We have... to stay together."

"You're drugged and I'm not having this argument with you." Raph glares back at him. Every muscle is tense and his expression is irate with a fury that would normally have one of them keeping him in place and calming him down. 

Donnie would try, but he has a feeling that if he moves he's going to end up on the ground, and Raph would absolutely take advatage to leave. "I can take care of myself."

"But-!" Donnie struggles to come up with a  convincing argument, terrified of Raph leaving, and terrified to be left alone, terrified that his mind is slipping through his fingers while danger lurks so close, leaving him to grapple for any kind of hold on reailty. 

Of course, he knows that Raph can take care of himself. But he's insanely outnumbered and outweaponed and they almost killed him last time and if he fights they could kill him or kidnap him and hurt him dissect him and if he leaves than Donnie can't help and he'll be alone and they'll both be alone and they'll find them him and he can't go through that again he can't-

Raph's blurred around the edges when he enters into his line of sight. Donnie's taken off his feet and he latches onto his older brother. Don't go. Don't go.

"I'm just gonna lead them away, and I can't have dead weight." Raph's words are blunt and harsh, but his eyes have softened. "I'll be right back for you, soon as I get rid of these bozos. But you have to stay here."

It's firm, like a promise.

Donnie has to stay so Raph can come back.

He can see that he's not going to be able to talk him out of it. 

"No- fighting. Can't win. Just... Lead 'em away."

"Stay here, Don." 

Donnie thinks that's the closest thing to an affirmative that he's going to get. 

He lets go and watches his older brother move away. Raph looks back just once, a confident anger in a firey gaze, and then he's gone. Donnie swallows his fear.

He'll come back. He'll be back. 

He promised.

***

Donnie misses the ladder. 

A flush of adrenaline kicks in as he releases the thing in his hand to grab hold of the fire escape, dragging himself up. He drops onto the medal and almost crumbles to his knees, grabbing the bar next to him as the world spins into a woozy mess. His breaths are heavy as he leans over the rails. He feels like his entire body trembles with the weakness.

He looks down, recognizing his t-phone on the ground; the screen shattered. 

He is... Really high up.